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Friday, November 11, 2005

The Stars Are Closer To Home

We always like a bit of celeb-spotting here at Glitter for Brains - why, only two days ago did we wander past the lizard-skinned homosexual from 'Star Trek: Enterprise' in the street. But we reached a personal zenith the other week when we noticed an Awful Lot of filming equipment just up the road from our fabulous bijou home. And some security guards appeared to have hi-jacked a slack-titted, gap-toothed bag-lady, who was being escorted to the set.

It transpired that dear Madonna was filming her video for 'Hung Up'.

For those of you who haven't seen this latest Madge-num Opus, the plot of the video appears to be thus:

Three black street-dancers (remember children, Madge's music is all-embracing) who dress like Wal-Mart shelf stackers dance at each other, then get into a cab and flee from their run-down neighbourhood. It is clearly America (remember children, Madge's music is all-encompassing).

Meanwhile Madge is gyrating in a leotard. As you do.

The three dancer then arrive in our fair London Bridge area. In a London cab.

Yes, dear readers. It seems these street-dancing homies are independently wealthy - not only to have caught a plane on what seemed to be a whim when they heard Madge's Pied Piper siren call, but also taking a cab from Gatwick when the Tube is clearly cheaper and quicker.

Now this narrative jump is what we call a 'segue' in the business, a bit of a cut to join two bits of story together. Although dear Madge, never one to let any spare pence slip through her wizened claws, is rumoured to be releasing the version where you can hear all the shenanigans in between these bits of action. Oh yes -

Marvel! As the sounds of a disinterested check-in official slowly allocates seats over a disco beat!

Embrace! As the safety demonstration is weaved into the middle eight!

Spin! As the Spanish woman in the seat behind them keeps putting her feet up on the seats, much to their annoyance, but they don't want to say anything so just put their headphones on and try to watch 'Madagascar' again!

Carousel! As they have to wait until last to get their bags out through customs -all to a purloined ABBA beat!

It's fourteen hours long and perfect to do the housework to. But mostly the hoovering.


surly girl said...

don't you get thrown out of gay club for not liking a madonna/abba combination?

personally i hate that "song". hate it. especially the bit where she tries to show how british she is by using the phrase "fed up". ooh, how mid-atlantic.

Logan said...

"Fed up" is a British term?

'Cos if so, that memo must've been lost in the mail or something on its way over here. I hear it all the time.

Will said...

I thought it looked suspiciously like London Bridge...

Kellycat said...

I think the leotard is supposed to demonstrate that she's still "got it" despite being 67.

She's starting to remind me of my nan in her pre-arthritis days, when after 5 bacardi and cokes she used to try to prove to everyone that she could still do the splits and high kicks.

Lee said...

Well. She looks like Mrs Overall.

Broadband Ian said...

I've not led a blameless life. But I'm beginning to suspect that when I die, they've reserved a circle of Hell for me where you sit and watch endless episodes of Alias with Madonna in the Jennifer Garnish role.

These pop videos are just some devil with time on his hands reminding me of what's to come.

CyberPete said...

I really wanted to say something bad about that video but you all beat me to it. I agree with all of you except Madonna is more 167 than 67

kyknoord said...

"...independently wealthy..." that was so worth the coughing fit.

tornwordo said...

I haven't seen or heard the song/video yet, and already I'm cringing (but you make me laugh through the cringe.)

MikeMK said...

I thought I recognised the taxi but I may be wrong - please feel free to tell me that they all look alike.

Are we sure it's Madge in the leotard and not a body double? I couldn't tell as our TV exploded just as I was zooming in for a close up.