Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Unfortunate Moments of My Life #3192

It is very true to say that I like a bit of hair on my men. Nothing too gauche, naturally - one does like a bit of 'grass on the pitch' when playing. But I do draw the line when potential gentlemen callers have to shave their foreheads in order to watch television

So it was with great delight that, upon returning from shopping one day, I saw a trio of hirsute gentlemen walking towards me with their tops off.

'Goodness,' I thought, catching one's breath. What fine specimens. Taught muscular bodies. A little grubby - let's say they've been rolling around in the mud while playing football. Oh yes. Together. Rolling around, playfully snapping at each other's shorts during half-time. Having to miss the bath because someone had run off with the one on the right's towel and all sorts of hilarity had ensued.

I skipped on towards them, happy with these thoughts.

And as they were getting closer, I started swinging my shopping in what I thought was a coquettish manner of 'Well, gentlemen, aren't you lovely!' It got their attention right away, and I shivered slightly as their gaze took me in. The one on the left, who looked positively rough, broke into a smile. A stained, yellow, broken-toothed grin. It looked like the tombstones of Highgate Cemetery.

"Spare some change, govn'r?" he asked.

I stopped skipping. Good lord. They were tramps.

I coughed into my silk hanky, pressed it to my nose and walked on by them, ignoring their pleas for monies.

Well. I ask you. Tramps. In my glorious area.

Although I probably still would have still done the one on the right.
 

18 comments:

Miss Mish said...

Oddly enough, I think you'd get on like a house on fire with my Russ Bear. He's largely hairy and loves the same type. And he makes costumes for minor celebrities!

(In fact today, he's making a false nose for Amanda Barry...)

CyberPete said...

You know, ladies of a certain position do enjoy a little rolling around with the odd or hot tramp now and again

AndyT13 said...

The problem with that(I would think) is that the tramp would as likely bash your head in for even offering him a bit of fun as indulge. AND he'd take your money besides. Oh wait, that's here in America. Bother.

Logan said...

It's not your fault for getting excited, hon. You're fabulous -- it can't be helped.

kleverkloggs said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kleverkloggs said...

"gotny spare change'is the latest chat up-line. I use it all the time!

RickB said...

just don't whatever you do sleep with a taxi driver. there's nothing more gutting than still being expected to pay

kyknoord said...

There's probably still time. Get a bucket of soapy water and a sturdy scrubbing brushe and get to it!

St. Dickeybird said...

Think of the control you'll have over your 3 new boyfriends, given that you're the only one with stuff.

Dantallion said...

You might have had him as well, IF you'd handed over some change.

Lee said...

Grumble. There's always a catch.

Concrete X said...

I want to know - what's happened to Amanda Barry's lovely nose?

EGL said...

One has to go slumming every now and again...if not I'd never get laid!

Jaclyn said...

Oh ms. glitter you're such a snob.

I thought Brits were infamous for poor dental hygiene.

Kidding, kidding. :-P

savante said...

Youch. Where are the dentists!

paul

Miss Mish said...

Ms Barrie still has her own nose but as she's appearing in 'Wizard of Oz' it needs a litle tweaking. As russ says: "There's nothing like shoving a minor celeb's head in a bowl of hot wax and holding it down to give you a feeling of power"
I sooo agreee with him...

tornwordo said...

Hysterical. Good from afar but far from good sort of thing. I did that once and when I got close, I realized (gasp) I was having impure thoughts about a WOMAN

Spike said...

Torn, you trollop!