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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Unfortunate Moments of My Life #3193

In those dubious days before I fully discovered boys, I did toy with the ideal of finding a nice ladyfriend to wile away the rest of my life. Though, as I look back, I very much doubt the lucky girl would have to have been wholly fulfilled with a life of baking cakes and spending long weekends getting her hair platted.

Oh, all this was quite a long time before That Fateful Incident In The Woods that set me anything but straight. So picture the poor unfortunate in my class that had recently become the object of my affection; she was quite attractive, slender, and more importantly had the longest hair - which is darned important with any foresight to platting, let me tell you.

Now I was a greenhorn boy with little or no social awareness - and certainly so when it came to matters of the heart - I decided declare my intentions by giving the girl in question my first ever Valentine's card. Do follow my dubious train of thought here: despite wanting to pronounce my affection to the world, I also realised that Valentine's cards were meant to be anonymous and secretive and all sorts of Cyrano De Bergerac-type things. I also madly figured this girl I'd never spoken to before would be able to figure out my handwriting at ten paces. And so I decided to disguise the entire creation.

Thus, I wrote the whole thing using clipped out letters from a newspaper.

And in no way did the whole card look like a scary ransom note whatsoever.

Sheesh. I never did live that one down.
 

13 comments:

surly girl said...

did it say "be mine. i am holding your mother hostage. think carefully before you decide"?

and they say romance is dead. i've just had a very oblique proposal on my comments - who needs a nice meal and a huge sparkly rock anyway*......?

*that would be me, then

St. Dickeybird said...

Awww, that's so cute!

Dantallion said...

So, how much did you want?

AndyT13 said...

HAHAHAHAHA! And THAT'S why you're so fabulous LOL

Snooze said...

That is just so adorable. So, I guess she figured out it was you anyhow? Did you at least get a kiss?

tornwordo said...

I'm glad quorn was explained, but I was wondering about "platting". Am I exposing my stunning ignorance by asking what it is?

Love all your posts as usual. XO

im here somewhere said...

but the important question is...did you put "to die for" red lipstick on and kiss the envelope before sending it to her? just curious.

Snooze said...

tornwordo : braiding

Broadband Ian said...

The first valentine I received was in 1980 from Kate Norton, when I was at middle school. I'd fancied her like mad: posh, slender, cheekboned, long hair in a ponytail, just breath-takingly beautiful.

Turned out she'd done it for a dare.

So now I use every 14th February to remember that special moment when, for a few minutes, I thought Kate loved me. Then I go out and ritually slaughter a hooker.

MQ said...

tornwordo: he means "plaiting" - not that that will probably help much

epicurist said...

So I see you're a romantic.

Spinsterella said...

The first mystery Valentine I ever received was in 2005 and I was 29 and a half.

It arrived via the internal post at work.

Even more worrying, it was pink, with hearts on it, and "To the One I love" in gold lettering...

Shudder

Kellycat said...

My first valentine card (when I was 11) simply had written in it "From Robert". No "I'm dying without you" or similar romantic sentiments.

Needless to say I was thoroughly underwhelmed.