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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Unfortunate Moments of My Life #3194

Being a gentleman of a hairier persuasion, I'm sure you've figured that certain areas must be bush-wacked on a regular juncture lest I get hunted down as a sasquatch each time I went to the gym. Thankfully, more permanent methods have since been taken to the stretch of lawn that was my back. But prior to that industrial lasering, I did Immac quite regularly.

So. T'was the night before the Work's Christmas Party some years ago. As part of a sketch I knew I'd have to drop my trousers with all appropriate hilarity. As a safe bet, I thought I'd better mow my back as well in case that got an airing for an encore, and slathered up the whole area with depilatory cream and got in the bath.

Now I do love a good bath, usually replete with foam and a rubber duckie. It's a perfect way to relax. So while I was day-dreaming of getting tipsy and staggering against some of my male work colleagues and muttering 'You don't need to phone your wife... no-one (hic) knows what a man wants more than another man...' I blissfully slid down into the bath. Unbeknownst to me, in lowering myself so I'd scraped a swathe of hair remover off my back and it was currently resting on the rim of the tub.

I still didn't realise this when I laid my head backwards in a sigh of bath-time bliss. That I was actually resting the back of my head into a clump of hair removal cream.

Oh yes.

In fact I didn't realise until I dried my hair, and the whole of the back of my hair-do fell off. I had to go to the work's Christmas event the following day with a huge circle of bald in the back of my head. And let me tell you, that took a lot of lying to cover...
 

25 comments:

Donna said...

Hilarious ... I'd never appreciated how hair removal could be so risky.

Broadband Ian said...

But what a good job it was a "Come as Max Wall" party. Or else it might have been disastrous.

The Lady Muck said...

Ahh yes... the perils of hair. One does have to do ones lady tash in the winter as the palidity of winter complexions tends to make me look like a foxy lady hitler. The other night, as I was quaffing drinks before going out, I decided that jolen could also hide eyebrow sins in case of emergency... Big mistake. I now resemble queen victoria from afar and close up my eyebrows now look like debbie harry's head two months after a bleach-do. not good...

St. Dickeybird said...

Heeheehee.
Great!
And are you telling us that that line works???
Could have used the info earlier...

Kellycat said...

Thank you. I do enjoy laughing at those less fortunate.

MinCat said...

ohthankgod he's back!

EarthMother said...

Only his hairdresser knows for sure ...

Lee said...

I only popped off for a day, darling Make It New! But nice to be missed. You're all lovely.

morgalou said...

I suppose there's also the excuse of having been to a fancy dress do the night before.... as a monk. A friend of mine had a bit of a hairdo disaster (bleach & a fringe... not good on him. Not good at all) before such a party. As luck would have it, it was a Robin Hood themed 'do', so he shaved off much of the bad hair, and, being the classy soul he is, went as Friar F*ck.

AndyT13 said...

Friar Fuck! Brilliant! Good story Lee. Use caution whaile bathing with dipilatories. Might you have been a little tipsy already? Not that it would excuse anything but..alright, yes it would.

epicurist said...

All in the name of vanity, we shall do anything. That was hilarity at it's best.

Miss Mish said...

I must tell you of the time that I was using a tube of 'For Men' hair colourant when the phone rang and when I stopped talking I realsied that...... Oh, maybe not. We must preserve the feminine mystique after all.

Marcia said...

You're braver than me! I would have "come down with the stomach flu" and missed the party, free booze and all... But I'm a girl and ... probably more concerned about my hair than you. But only slightly so.

tornwordo said...

That was fabulous. I probably would've shaved my head. So funny.

Snooze said...

I thought this blog was about wigs? Wouldn't that have been a good time for a little shoulder length pink number?

zinc alloy said...

Ohmygod. I would have had to take to my bed for a week. Just what DID you tell people to explain that one? Great post!

c'lam said...

any pics?

Lee said...

Of course there are no pics! I spent the whole event with my back to the wall!

Which is only fair, as most of my male colleagues have to do the same on every other occasion...

Reluctant Nomad said...

How do you get depilatory cream all over your back without assistance?

I once tried to cut my own hair and cut it too far up the back of my head giving me a bit of a Friar Tuck at the back. To cover up my embarrassment, I told people my hair had caught alight while burning leaves in the garden.

I was rather young at the time, so forgive the lack of ingenuity with the excuse.

surly girl said...

but what did you say? how did you explain it? sheesh, we only ever get half the story.

and where are my crayons?

Lee said...

Your crayons are here, dear. And you'll get the other half of the story when you come and fetch them.

Qenny said...

Oh, you poor love! Great story. The worst I've ever done with Immac is accidentally fry my nuts by leaving it on too long. (It didn't stop me from pulling, but I did have to ask my gentleman caller not to pull too hard.)

And now we can only sigh nostalgically because Immac is no more, and we have to call it Veet. Not quite as rubbish a name change as Marathon to Snickers, but not too far off it.

Dolly said...

Oooooh I do love your stories! only you could make them sound as fun as they are.
Love, Faery (who used to be Dolly)

Spaceminx said...

Have I ever told you about the time a certain Dr Who writer mistook my Immac for toothpaste the morning after a party at mine?

mainja said...

i can't imagine getting into the bath with that stuff on. it scares me. and in the bath it could travel unabaited about my body.

but darling, it has always been clear that you are FAR more brave than i.