Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Unfortunate Moments of My Life #3195

Let's finish this year on a personal high, shall we?

I was sitting with my legs stretched out before me, crossed at the ankles, trying to look relaxed by casually glancing around the foyer. Not much to see - it was typically featureless, large, garish posters hiding bland concrete with messages of 'brand values' and 'marketing communication'.

The receptionist saw me looking around and caught my eye. "He won't be long," she said, and smiled the generic disarming grin. It didn?t really make me feel any better.

I smiled back, nodding my understanding. I was nervous as fuck - this was going to be a big meeting. I subconsciously shuffled my notes and tried to relax. Breathe in, breathe out, think of kittens, think of everyone in their underwear.

Including that gentleman opposite me. Well, hello, young fellow-me-lad... I didn't notice you before. You're a bit of a catch, aren't you? Swarthy without looking too rough. And lovely green eyes...

Uh-oh. Lovely eyes that are looking at me. Quick, bury your head in your meeting notes. Pretend to care about repagination and gutters and those sorts of things.

Quick glance. Oh. He's still looking at me.

Actually, he was looking at my crotch

Well! Excuse me. I'm a married man! I can't be doing with any of that. It's fine for me to look, but not for them to reciprocate - that's just not done. So I shuffled my paper and turned away slightly in disgust.

I momentarily glanced back over my notes a minute later. He was looking slightly confused and now reading the paper. Well, I don?t blame him for looking initially - I did look utterly fabulous today. I cut a good figure with a nice shirt on, let me tell you.

"Mr Binding?" asked someone from across the room. I got up, removed my gloves, and went to shake their hand. But, just to be kind, I gave the gentleman opposite me a nice smile. It's always good to return attention. 'Gay It Forward' as it where.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I'd whirled off.

It was two hours into my meeting did I realise he wanted to tell me my flies were gaping open.

And a merry Christmas to all of you at home. See you all in the New Year.


savante said...

He could be gaping at what's inside the open fly. :) Merry Christmas.


jjd said...

maybe your peepee had made other plans and worked the zipper down? You know how incorrigible they can be!

Anonymous said...

Maybe he willed them open. Hope it went well despite of that (maybe even because of that? You never know... Merry Christmas and all that!

Snooze said...

Opening your package a bit early this year?

tornwordo said...

Ah, so refreshing it's not just me. I recently noticed a slight gust of air down there while entering the metro station. A quick glance and alas, the eye of willy. Horrific.

Happy holidays to you, it's been great reading you this year. See you in the next !

Vampire Librarian said...

Merry Christmas, Lee. Wonderful story. It will become a holiday classic.

Junebugg said...

Maybe Willy just needed a breath of fresh air?

Happy Holidays

medusa said...


AndyT13 said...

Very nice. I guess we all need a lesson in humility now and then.
:-P Hoopy Hallidays!

Fuckkit said...

*makes mental note to send Tornwordo underwear next Christmas*

Hope y'all had a suitably fattening Xmas. I know I did *burps*


St. Dickeybird said...

Have a Great New Year's, Lee.
Thanks for all the laughs during the last one.

Trashbinder said...

Thanks for raising a smile on my fizzog during 2005. Great blog.

MinCat said...

its the "holidays"!! people get depressed without enough glitter in brains! come back pwease? *cute pouty face*

Pam said...

Happy New Year !

Liz said...

This is a fantastic story - had us giggling about insanely.

Well told - ever considered writing scripts for comedies?

Have a fantastic New Year.

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epicurist said...

That was truly hilarious. You do have a fabulous life. Happy New Years to you as well!