Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Brick

Technology has been hating me for the last few days. Little things, like discs I burn don't work, my computer's crashing once and hour and I accidentally unplugged a heart monitor while I was at the hospital and they all thought she'd died. Despite her protests.

And Saturday I managed to slightly damage my new mobile phone. Just slightly, but just enough so one of the functions wouldn't work. So I checked my Expensive Insurance Policy and it proudly proclaimed that I could get a 'Replacement within 24 hours!' so I went and checked it in. Why is nothing ever as simple as they advertise it? There's all these terms and conditions, they don't have the parts gov'nor etc etc and so they've sent my beautiful K750i off to some workshop in Slough to be pummelled by a navvy with a mallet with a half-smoked cigarette hanging out of his gob.

'Oh, but it's not all bad news!' I mutter with a hate-filled look. Thankfully, it looks like the one thing my Expensive Insurance Policy is good for is that I do get a 'Standby Phone' while my own is being lost in the internal mail of Carphone Warehouse. So I'm currently the proud owner of some arcane talking-stick the likes of which I last seen being used by Bruce Willis in Moonlighting. It's ugly. It has no functions. And the thing's giving off so much radiation that the cup of tea I have next to it is still warm after three hours!

Honestly. If I get infertile thanks to this bloody radioactive brick, I'm going to sue.

Though god knows how we're going to find out.

VOTING UPDATE

It turns out that some of you can vote again when the day's out. Fancy doing it again? Because if I win - oh yes, if I win - I promise to recreate Halle Berry's Oscar Speech in photographs on this site.

Go on. Click here and give it a go.

20 comments:

ViVi said...

Everyone rush to the ballot box - our Lee needs a boost!

tornwordo said...

Oh all right, but only because you're cute.

Snooze said...

Now if they're Halle Berry's speech recreated in naked pics of you I'll vote until they ban me.

Lee said...

That may swing it, Snooze.

As it where.

Jaclyn said...

Sorry dahling, I tried, but it told me I already voted.

If it is because of time differences/numbers/math...well, you can't expect me to figure that out.

Good luck all the same! Looks like you're doing splendidly!

The Lady Muck said...

dammit it won't let me vote again! Facists! If you don't win sweetie the bloomin' things rigged! I tell thee!

MinCat said...

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *waves pompoms*
mgiht i ask wot GTBT or wotever that category is is? or am i missing summat obvious?

Lee said...

It's 'Gay Lesbian Bicycles and Transistor Radios' I believe.

Jay said...

I think Bruce Willis in Moonlighting was very sexy.

Lee said...

I think you need those glasses changed to the ones they put on the Hubble.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Grrrrrrrr... I tried at work and it said I'd already voted, which I blatently hadn't. And now, I've just got in and tried again and it *still* won't let me.

I tried. But it looks like you're catching up!

Reluctant Nomad said...

You've already got three votes from me. But can't you offer something a bit more substantial than a Halle Berry as a prize?

Liz said...

Does a wild jig around the room clutching her pic of Graham Norton.

Have voted, so did the bear at work and TLBJG. But, we will do it again!

Dances off to go check on her dinner...

Louise said...

It won't let me vote again, but I'll get my maman to.
She'll more than likely query as to what she's voting *for*, in which case I'll tell her it's the Liberal Party.

Kellycat said...

Halle Berry? No I asked for Gwyneth....

I'll stop voting for you every day...

Fuckkit said...

How do they know if you already voted? Are they watching?

*glances around furtively*

I hate it when they know things...

Louise said...

Also-- I did a total geeky thing and told people on a message board to vote for you.
SUCH A NERD I AM!

kyknoord said...

I thought you said your replacement phone has no features? It's a portable microwave oven; it's a handy bludgeon; and it can be used as a stunt monolith for the remake of '2001'.

Fuckkit said...

If you refer to it as "Retro" you can instantly recoup some street cred.

Rob said...

Done.

Although I must say I think the speech should be done as a video blog.