Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Flipper

The gayest animal, without a doubt, is the dolphin.

You see, I've been thinking a lot about gay sex, mostly because I haven't been able to indulge in any filthy BumFun(tm) now for a whole month thanks to the Wife being down in Oz. So I've been pondering as mostly pondering is all I've been able to do. And the conclusion I came up with was that dophins are definitely Good Listeners.

And scientific evidence backs this up. They form same-sex couples. They communicate in shrill whistles and clicks. They're very adept to balancing balls on the end of their nose.

And lets not forget that thing they do when they rise out of the water and clap their flippers together like any old Gentleman Who's Good With Colours does whenever he discovers there's a Bette Midler Special on.

So dolphins? Screaming. The only reason they're forever getting trapped in tuna nets is that they're trying to hang a nice pair of curtains around them.

Fortunately, pondering on such things can stop now as The Wife is back tomorrow. Those of you unfortunate enough to live in South East London - perhaps you were a Nazi in a former life, or maybe you were once rude about Cagney and Lacey - you should maybe put a couple of sandbags down by the front door. Well, lets face it, a month's a very long time.

20 comments:

Concrete X said...

I'm staying down the street where you live tomorrow too!

Thank God I'll be on the third floor.

Lee said...

There's a sea/air search-and-rescue planned about 11am, apparently.

Dantallion said...

Let's not forget that dolphins are also brilliant at water sports.


And thanks for the Tsunami warning.

St. Dickeybird said...

You forgot one thing. Dolphins like fish. I don't know a gay man that'll eat a Tuna Taco.

epicurist said...

I was about to say the same thing Dickey did.

Perry Neeham said...

I was once scuba diving off the South Wales coast and was joined by a playful dolphin. And, get this,the dolphin had a hard on!!! Really, it (he I suppose) did. True story!

BTW, I'll disable the earthquake alarm this weekend.

Vesper said...

On an episode of The L Word...in the intro part...they showed a clip of two female dolphins -- one was rubbing the other female's genitals with her flipper.

Spinsterella said...

Penguins form same-sex couples too.

How come gays get all the good animals?

Snooze said...

Ah, glad you´ll have The Wife back tomorrow.

myke said...

nice blog, sir. and good choice of men there on the sidebar.

Frank said...

Go get 'em, tiger!

Fuckkit said...

Sooo, that woman who married a dolphin... you're saying it was against the dolphin's will coz all that dolphin really wanted was a nice bit of cock? :)

Spike said...

Nah. It was a sham het marriage and her girlfriend married the other guy dolphin and they all legally migrated happily ever after.

Tickersoid said...

What about Sealions? They already come in black shiny skin and have built in droopy moustashes.

Sam said...

SE London? YUCK!

Spike said...

I think you're onto something there, Steel.

Beckie said...

*nods* Got a point.

Found my way here from chubby girl brigade.

Yes, I have girl germs.

mainja said...

hmmmm. i'm guessing lee won't be posting much in the coming week... (no pun intended. oh, who the hell am i kidding? pun absolutely intended.)

Dave Owen said...

You'd think the smell of the tuna nets would put them off, wouldn't you?

Tickersoid said...

Whilst we're on the subject of gay amimals. Just think of the implications of being a gay Peacock!