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Friday, January 13, 2006

Return to Oz

As I mentioned, my dear Wife has sodded off back to the colonies for a month. A pity, as when he announced "I'm going down under for a long time," one thought one's luck was well and truly in.

He does like to go back every year or two, though its never fully explained why. One can only assume he's getting an annual coupon for a four-week acting stint in perennial Aussie soap opera Neighbours or something, leaving me to create a facsimile of him out of pillows next to me in bed. Sadly they are nothing like the real thing as they don't slap your hand away in the middle of the night.

He is missed very much. Maybe I should really watch Neighbours to check whether his handsome visage pops up, but it does conflict with cheerleading practice and TiVo's being a bitch at the moment and only recording Things With Sandra Bullock In for me for reasons best beknownst to itself. Perhaps it is actually gayer than I am. Perhaps it spends all day chortling along to Miss Congeniality while I'm at work. Or maybe its just mutiny because I filled it up with Girls Aloud videos.

Anyway. Neighbours. It's been doing longer than Elizabeth Taylor, and I'm sure you're all gagging to know what the Aussies getting in return for filling up our tea-time schedules with young boys in wetsuits trying to emote.

Well, we're sending them 'Rosemary and Thyme', the wacky adventures of two elderly lady gardeners who, wherever they go, solve murders.

Oh yes.

You see, we have a problem with our Sunday night programming over here. Everything shown on UK TV at around 7pm on the Sabbath becomes the cosiest little show, full of interesting local characters and japes to be had just on the right side of the law that leaves the local policeman laughing heartily into his cocoa come the closing credits. Honestly, you could put CSI on there and within two weeks Grisham would be wearing slippers around the office while Jorga Fox would have been misapprehended for poaching salmon from the local stream, all before they roll down the hill in an empty bath-tub with hilarious results.

Basically, imagine if every show became Murder, She Wrote without anything nearly as eventful as a murder.

Rosemary and Thyme comes from these spawning grounds. The Australian Broadcasters are billing it as 'charming'.

Dear the Australians. Do not watch this show. It will hurt your eyes. Run, run from it in the same manner you would from a room full of tactile coughers infected with Bird Flu.

And dear The Wife. Come back soon.


CyberPete said...

I thought you had Mrs. Buckets new show Hetty something. It does sound similar. They tried to sell that here but nobody watched it.

Lee said...

That too is 'charming'.

Thus deserves to die.

The Lady Muck said...

Damn right. I have had quite enough of 'charming'. Have hit upon novel idea for new quiz show + the weakest kink. Disgraced politicians and popstars, and anne r. all rubbered up. the weakest kink gets a good lashing at the end. Dear me, i need to do something about my mind.

Fuckkit said...

My mate is over in Oz for a very long while and often watches Midsomer Murders to remind himself of home.

And why he left.

Gareth said...

A slightly more erudite description of Rosemary and Thyme tahn I would have.

I just used one word - shite,

Rob said...

My main objection is that it's another in that type of programme where they came up with the name first and then wondered what it could be about.

Doc Martin riles me for the same reason.

Spike said...

What Rob said.

Rosemary & Thyme is only palatable with the sound turned down so you can watch the improbably lush gardens and Whatshername's arse but avoid of the constant gasping at bodies in the bushes.

Also, why is it always the feet of a murdered body that stick out from under the bushes? Are feet cheaper?

Marcus said...

I can't think of anyone I'd like to bump into less than dear old Jessie Fletcher.
She's a teapot clutching banshee.. wherever she goes, people drop like flies.

Can't say I've ever seen an episode of Rosemary & wossname though.. somehow I don't think I'll be making the effort anytime soon either.

rhino75 said...

It's SOOO true, whatcanIsay? In France the only British programmes we get are positively antique episodes of "Inspector Frost" "Midsomer Murders" (renamed "Inspector Barnaby") and "Prime Suspect" (oh yes indeedy, still going strong on this side of the channel), while BBC Prime (the last refuge of the expat) is all "Last of the Summer Wine" and "Top Gear". Mind you, count yourself lucky we're not exporting any of our "drama" to the UK (or anywhere else, for that matter).

Imogen said...

You're missing the point about Rosemary and Thyme! Shit it may be, but it has Felicity Kendall in it, and she's a great British tradition, bless her.
And she's getting on a bit, so lets be nice, eh?

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