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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Zap

And on Christmas Day, the Wife got in a taxi and disappeared off to Australia for a month in a manner I've only ever seen in a soap opera. He offered to take me with him, but a new episode of Doctor Who was on in the evening so I passed.

The Wife's got a cat. Well, we think it's a cat. It has no tail and sleeps on its back and can't meow, but it's too small to be anything from Edgar Allan Poe, so 'a cat' seems to be the easiest shorthand for 'fur-shedding demon'. It's obviously missing him - it's taken to pissing everywhere in his absence, the little shit.

Here is a picture. Of the cat. Not the pissing, thankfully.

Blue in blue

Three o'clock on last Saturday morning, the Wife's housemate Rob awoke after an enormous explosion and ducked out of his bedroom to see the cat shooting past with his fur smoking. More incredulously, there was electricity arcing over one corner of the kitchen. He quickly turned off the house power, finding that the cat had taken a widdle on an extension cable, and thus literally getting the shock of his life. That'll learn it.

Rob ran upstairs to check on the cat, who was holed up in the spare bedroom with a look of unutterable fear on its face. And while it doesn't meow, it does croak like a hell-frog, which it was doing with most insistence, wisps of smoke rising from his arse. It was a hilariously pathetic sight.

Chortling to himself, Rob went back downstairs to clean up the mess. The computer was unharmed, the stereo thankfully the same. After a suitable five minutes, he went back upstairs to check on the cat, possibly soothe its nerves.

The bloody thing was asleep.

Typical.

25 comments:

Fuckkit said...

Are you sure its a cat and not a luxury mop head?

tornwordo said...

I would say that cat piss is one of the vilest substances on earth. Strange for such a cuddly creature.

Snooze said...

Yes, typical cat. It must be a male because female cats are usually a bit cleaner.

Mr Kenneth said...

More gratifying stories of cat pain! (For they are the enemy)

Jaclyn said...

Cats are so disgusting.

So, that was, you know, even more hiliarious than what I usually get when I pop in here for a spell.

Thanks!

Lee said...

Cats are brilliant! And never more so when their air of dignity is compromised in some way, like a sudden rain shower or mild electrocution. :)

morgalou said...

Oh, that made me laugh so hard I think I strained something. Particularly seeing as our 7 month old kitten / cat (what are they when they're midway between the 2 stages? A catten? A kit?) took to eating the Christmas tree lights. One of the many things he does which convince me he's escaped from the cat equivalent of a carnival freakshow.

c'lam said...

its very fluffy. and at least those electric shocks are like a form of aversion therapy.

CyberPete said...

It looks evil, majestic and bored. It could easiely become my new favorite thing.

jjd said...

it looks siamese.. I can take cats but only if they are not the type which constantly croak or meow. This cat looks to fall into that category however.

coolbuddha said...

cyberpete is right: the cat looks evil. I'm telling you, it's plotting. I've had a cat pooh in my shoe. Wouldn't mind, but I was wearing it at the time.

The Lady Muck said...

moggies are great, but yeah, those cats just look like demons. thanks for the hilarious mental images! Oooh the mirth :-)

Liz said...

Cats are evil - they are unclean little demons from the dimension of Soul Suck (ever seen I think the movie is called Cat's Eye?) and yes, it is definitely planning to take over the world...at least.

Much love,

theliz

Vampire Librarian said...

This is priceless.

Vesper said...

I love your blog. I'll be back!

MQ said...

Has it stopped the cat from peeing? If I was that cat I'd be afraid to ever pee again. Unless, in its supreme evilness, it has the capacity to understand that the extension lead was the problem, not the general urination situation.

Dantallion said...

Eight lives and counting... How very pavlovian. I'd be surprised if it ever piddled again without first getting a might nervous.

surly girl said...

why has the wife gone to oz for a whole month? that's what i'd like to know.

do you want to come round and eat meatballs and watch cher videos?

Kellycat said...

Which reminds me Surly - I haven't seen the Cher van around for a while...

Imagine trying to sell it...

Inexplicable DeVice said...

That cat looks like a big mouldy turd. I'm not a "cat person", much prefer crows. Or bumblebees.

Bob said...

poor maligned critter. have Rob plug a couple of felliways in, he'll be fine.

Lee said...

Surly - the Wife's one of those bally colonials. He likes to pop home every now and again.

And I'd adore to eat the meatballs with you. I owe you a box of crayons as it is.

:)

epicurist said...

It looks evil.

Cynthia Rae said...

Cute cat! I am glad that he survived the fire. Maybe he wil learn to keep his pee in the liter box!
Cyn

Babsbitchin said...

I'm in love with the cat. Female?
I have a male Himilayan Sealpoint and am very partial to them. Nice blog,really!