Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, March 17, 2006

No. Sorry. You've Lost Me.

Wasn't it Einstein who said that time was not a constant? Or was it 'The Gay's Reaction to Desperate Housewives'? Anyway, clearly the man was a genius because he based this entire argument on looking into the future and seeing that the internet was capable of sucking away the hours like a Latvian in a Gentleman's Health Club.

Who hasn?t lost hours surfing the hypercyberinterweb? Like when you've just checked your emails and think, 'well, one quick tour of the mucky sites' and before you know it you've been pulled into a Porn Vortex and hours, nay days have passed. You surface after what feels like half an hour later, only to discover that embalmed pop-magpie Madonna's had another comeback (they are monthly now, right?) and emerge, blinking into the sunlight, like Cilian Murphy in '28 Days Later'. Only with your trousers at half-mast looking for a wankie-hankie, not the rest of civilisation of course.

And, dear readers, I've just come back from such an expedition on the super highway, after my apparently butch friend Clint sent me the link to The Gayest Site On the Internet.

Go at once! You can dress up nasty pictures of celebrities in ghastly clothes created by people with the user names like sxy_single_grrl and babybling96! Why this very morning, I spent hours making Katie Holmes look like a bag-lady hobo! Hurrah!

There's Britney, and Xtina and Girls Aloud and everything! Kylie and Madonna in their bras and pants! It is just genius. And the crème de la crème? Jennifer Garner from Alias with a series of wigs.

I'm sorry. I've got to go back. This is the Gentlemen Who Played With Their Sister's Dolls When They Were Teenagers' equivalent to crack cocaine.

Of course, they're missing a decent dress-up doll of Renee Zellweger. One that actually looks like her, I mean. You're best cutting out this picture of her lying down and using it instead:

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There. Enjoy!

20 comments:

St. Dickeybird said...

omigodomigodomigodomigod!
I'm so there...

Christ, if Wifey reads that she'll kick my faggotty ass!
lol

CyberPete said...

There goes my weekend, better let my parents know they'll be walking home from the airport.

First Nations said...

why won't they let you exchange parts? on barbies in the '70's, you could exchange parts. SO bummed.

Gaymosexual said...

What do you mean apparently butch?

Hmmm. I really want an 'Oscar Red Carpet Special' where you can chop and change those disasterous dresses and Fabulous Frocks around from star to star.

Oh to see Halle Berry in Zellwger's Yellow travesty. Or Angelina in Bjork's Swan dress....

morgalou said...

Bad Lee, bad! Now I'm going to have to spend the entire evening dressing Viggo Mortensen in a wide range of overly-tight t-shirts and open shirts. *Sigh*. It's a hard life.

Imogen said...

Oh my good lord, Johnny Depp comes with optional facial hair!
Love it love it love it, to absolute bits.

Jemima said...

I am screaming (literally) with the delight that only comes from stripping and redressing Audrey Tatou, and then making her pussy squeal. OMG. Thankyouthankyouthankyou, and your butch friend.

tornwordo said...

I squealed! Did you see the Tom Cruise one, it's full of movable items and furniture and you can move tom, too. Ok, I'm going back there now for more fun....

The Lady Muck said...

It took me a while to get that last one but now I do.

Ha! Am amused.... ;-)

Spinsterella said...

"I spent hours making Katie Holmes look like a bag-lady hobo"

And I thought it was Scientology doing that to the poor girl.

Lee, you ARE powerful...

Eden said...

That *is* the gayest site on the Internet. Fabulous. ;)

Junebugg said...

I hope I don't get caught, this thing is making work go by soooo much faster.

Fuckkit said...

I was gonna dress Angelina Joline but methinks I like her better like that.

Jaclyn said...

I'm so glad I missed this post yesterday, because my over-productive day would have come to a SCREECHING halt.

Alyssa Milano looks sooooo much better when I dress her than when those wardrobe people on Charmed do it.

Snooze said...

This is fabulous! Just fabulous! Thank you Lee.

Spike said...

Johnny Depp looks fuckable in just jeans but there was no mini-skirt to put on Brad Pitt. Bastards!

Spike said...

Make that extra fuckable. I could poke Depp till the cows came home.

QChique said...

I wonder if this is what Al Gore had in mind back when he was "inventing" the internet. Well at any rate this site should surely win some award for most fabulous and addictive use of bandwidth. Cheers!

Bob said...

And once again they've photoshopped out Kate Winslett's lady-like (read jaffa cake induced) curves.

Tickersoid said...

Fuckkit- I thought it was just straight women that fancied Angelina.