Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, March 10, 2006

The Showgirl Princess

Aw, bless! Kylie Minogue has propped herself up in her sick bed at last, leaving the whole swathes of Gentlemen Who Can't Catch sighing in relief. As morbid as it seems, most of us can't pull of a black armband unless we go down the gym more, and there's only so many hours in the day thanks to 'Desperate Housewives' being back on.

And it seems she's been busy in her repose, crayoning a children's book. How lucky are we!

Now before you all jump to the Comments box and say 'Madonna did it first!', let me highlight that aged disco-husk has been on this Earth longer than granite so the chances are she's done everything there is to do now. Well, everything but learn to play the guitar properly. Did you see when she tried? Hilarious. Like a cautious school-kid trying to pet an electric eel.

Anyway. the press release claims Dame Minogue is aiming the book at a marvellous target market: "six year old princesses everywhere who love to dress up and have fun".

Which basically means six year old girls.

And The Gays.

It's weird being lumped in with that demographic, it really is. I'd like to say it's not fair. But I don't know any Gentleman Who Moisturises who hasn't had a wand at one point. Even if they just taped a bit of tinsel on the end of their pencil and hissed 'Turn to shit!' at their line manager.

'The Showgirl Princess' will be released by Puffin Books in September. Available at all good bookstores, Toys R Us, and next to the lube and 12-inch Black Nobblers in Prowler Stores soon.

17 comments:

First Nations said...

magic wands are useful for bapping the minions who displease you as you screech 'you're a frog now! you're a frog now!' at them until they cry.
lets not forget that all important
TIARA. i had one made of real rhinestones just like the rose princess wore.

*leaves, waving in stately benediction from her royal sedan chair*

*..yes, carried by firemen. geeze.*

Reluctant Nomad said...

A flimsy tinsel wand probably has more power than the 12-inch Black Nobblers it is going to be sharing company with in those Prowler Stores.

Lee said...

I'm not sure about that, Nomad. And I'm not willing to try it in public to find out.

Bob said...

And of course we'll be playing Pretty Pretty Princess while we discuss the merits of Kylie and Madge's literary largesse.

I.Cannot.Wait.

morgalou said...

Awww. Kylie. Bless her little golden hotpants. Hope Madge doesn't take this personally, or it'll be disco boots at dawn and everything...

As for tiaras, I've been known to dig out the one I got for my wedding and wear it while doing the hoovering. It brightens the day up, you know?

CyberPete said...

So it was Puffin, not Pingu. Sorry Lee!

Tickersoid said...

Lee- I'm in awe of your turn of phrase.

I always look stupid in a tutu. It lies, unloved, at the bottom of my wardrobe.

Jaclyn said...

You know, I've had to quit drinking my morning coffee when I read this blog, because I kinda got sick of wearing it.

"Aged disco husk"

Hilarious!

Dantallion said...

I'd heard it was a 'How-to' book.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

She's so brave. Can't wait for the pint sized popstrel to shimmy back into the lime light!

Oh and: Thank heavens for Desperate Housewives. Especially Tom Scavo.

Sighhh....

hendrix said...

thank god I'm not the only one who wore a tiara while doing the hoovering. I say wore because despite the fact I bought my mum a tiara of her very own - she stole mine too and refused to give it back on the grounds that "everyone should have more than one tiara so that they had a choice! Now, of course, (being tiaraless) I just can't seem to summon up the energy to hoover so I get lambasted by her for having a messy apartment!

As far as Kylie writing a childrens book? Hell anyone with a body that good can do what she damn well pleases ...

Spike said...

Damn right, Hendrix.

Tickersoid said...

I don't understand how gay guys know how hot Kylie is. She only became so after that dead Hutchings guy tought her a thing or two.

I really shouldn't blog, after a karaoke night.

The Lady Muck said...

I'll have you know, Tickersoid, she's been fab ever since she rocked up in dungarees with a spiral perm as Charlene the 'bruiser'!
I'm going to remember that pencil thing, lee *grins*

Fuckkit said...

Substitute pencil and tinsel for a large axe for more satisfying results.

Tickersoid said...

There you go again fuckkit, getting to the route cause and solution.

kyknoord said...

"...longer than granite..." Oh damn! Coffee on the keyboard again.