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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Year Long Weight

I was asked recently whether my gym's a cruisey one.

I must admit I had no idea. Usually my head is buried into my chest listening to the homosexual joys of my iPod, which I recently discovered is very much like a night at G-A-Y compressed down into a small white-and-silver wipe-clean case. I am grateful it is wipe clean, for who hasn't finished a night at that club getting tossed off by some fifteen-year-old in the back row? I tell you, that entire area is a jizzy death-trap these days. Like a swamp. They stopped putting those 'Careful! Slippy Surface!' yellow placards around, and started putting warning signs up in fathoms.

Aaanyway. Cruisey gym. Today I decided to have a proper look as I wasn't capable of doing my usual workout, thanks to the doctors syringing two pints of blood out of me this morning to run tests. Oh, nothing serious, bless you all for asking. Yes even those of you who want to know if they're in my will for the complete set of Girls Aloud Barbies. But hilarious blood loss meant that I couldn't lift my usual Gay Weights and had to go back down to Girl Weights. Which, as far as I can tell, is the body-building equivalent of balancing on an exercise bike, peddling slower than you'd walk with a frappachino in one hand and a Heat Magazine in the other.

So perched atop my exercise bike, this gave me ample chance to look around at who was checking out who. And in answer to the question, no. My gym is not in anyway a cruisey hangout for Gentlemen Who Spot Weights A Little Too Closely To Their Partner. That is apart from this one mini-homosexual-on-wheels who prowls the cardio machines like he's worked by magnets underneath the floor. No takers for his swivelling charms, alas.

My supermarket, whereas? I tell you, it gives the term 'Meat Rack' a whole new meaning...

16 comments:

Kirses said...

sooo rude about the girl gym goers...some of us actually work out and don't just pose in our immaculate gym clothes. although obviously our gym clothes are immaculate regardless - honey we don't sweat - we glow...so sue us...

AndyT13 said...

I've always found the supermarket to be the perfect place to pick up a spare partner or two for the evening. Usually I find them in the vegetable aisle. Get it? Veg...
...(slinks away quietly)...

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Urgh... Spunk swamp. I bet it sounds like trifle.

Tickersoid said...

I'd 'ave loved G-A-Y as a kid. Throw down yu satchel, take a run up and Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Bob said...

Do I truly look 15 in the dim light of the back row? Gosh, I was only hoping for early 20s.

Snooze said...

You are dead on about some women on the exercise bikes.

The Lady Muck said...

I heard about supermarkets becoming the new pulling parlours (for all orientations), and I think there's even supposed to be some wierd hanky-code-type rule as to the night you go on or something: Tuesdays for boy-boy cruising, Fridays for the lonely hearts, etc etc.
This is why I now do all my shopping online. The only spears I want in my basket at sainsburys are asparagus...

Ollie said...

Where do you shop?
...and why don't I shop there all the time?

Spaceminx said...

When are the girl-girl nights? Is there any particular supermarket that's best? Sainsbury's for your classier chick & Netto for a bit of rough?

Tickersoid said...

Is it me, or does your text keep disappearing?

Will said...

The Ladies Who Do DIY here seem to prefer Morrisons.

Tickersoid said...

Morrisons- Lezzers
Sainsburys- Poofs
Asda- Chavs

Vesper said...

You have such a great sense of humour! Have I ever told you that before?

Lee said...

Yes, but tell me again. I'm shallow and need constant approval!

Tickersoid said...

You have such a great sense of humour! Have I ever told you that before?

Vesper said...

I repeat, great sense of humour. ;)