Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Glorious Sunshine

Oh doesn't this marvellous weather doing us all a world of good? People are smiling, and everyone suddenly has an urge to drink rosé wine, sit in parks and ignore the tramps!

Myself, as I lightly waft myself with this pamphlet for diabetes, the slight heat transports me back to a fabulous holiday romance I once had, oh many years ago. The sun was boiling and I was sipping a crème de menthe in a Tunisian bistro (oh I was wild back then!) when I caught the eye of a rather rakish young thing handling a hookah. He looked at me, I looked at him, I looked up the 'Intimate Friendship' section of my guide book. And romance blossomed.

Well, I had to point at a diagram, but then romance blossomed.

And it was there I learned the Tunisian for 'active' and 'passive', which I dutifully scribbled in my guidebook's appendix. As well as why most of them are circumcised. Damn that sand!

Mere weeks later, we waving each other off tearfully and promised to write. Unfortunately I'd taken his address down wrong, and he could barely string two words together and there's only so much meaning you can get from getting crushed seashells in the post every Thursday.

Still happy times, eh? Oh I often look back at those halcyon days of romance with a fond glow. Mostly as I barely get to use my well-thumbed 'Intimate Friendship' section of any guidebook for some time afterwards. Not through want of trying, mind - it's just that I'd mastered the art of non-verbal communication and chances are I'd be round the back of a bar, legs at ten-to-two, with a waiter repeatedly yelling 'Allah!' not three hours into the holiday. Five minutes later I'm trying stop him wiping himself on my t-shirt, cadge a fag and get what feels like half the Sahara out of my ass crack.

Oh yes. I do love the sun. Isn't it lovely?

hums the overture to Lawrence of Arabia to himself

14 comments:

mainja said...

'intimate friendship' nice. *grin*

First Nations said...

...alhallah ak-baaaaaaaar!
*cracking up*

Jemima said...

"trying to stop him wiping himself on my t-shirt"

What joy when a simple phrase can evoke so much and make me snort with laughter.

CyberPete said...

LOL sounds like lovely times

Qenny said...

and you're a romantic too! just when I thought you couldn't get any more fabulous

coolbuddha said...

Class! It's always very subjective, not least depending on the moment and context. Yet Marx took it soo bloody seriously.

tornwordo said...

I love you!

Snooze said...

I'm not wild about the sun, but I do love your blog. It's amazing what words we learn on holiday. I love the fact you now have passive and active in your guide book.

Vampire Librarian said...

I'm so sheltered. What special meaning does passive and active have?

Spike said...

I do believe in America they are referred to as catcher and pitcher, respectively. In cricketting nations that would be fielder and batter. In diagrammic terms the passive doggy would be the doggy standing still and looking patient as the other doggy poked around amateurishly.

Spike said...

Also in diagrammatic terms. Oy.

AndyT13 said...

Half the sahara. Lovely! :-)

Wonderwoman said...

Have just stumbled across your blog, how true the connection between the sun and the sudden influx of rose wine into the system (although being a poverty stricken student I sometimes have to supplant with a cherry lambrini, which at £2.38 for a litre bottle, is quite frankly, the sh*t)

mmm, gonna go lurk near building sites now.. oh yeah...

Lee said...

Thanks Wonderwoman! If you get a blog, I'll more than happily pop over!