Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Happy Easter

Did I read somewhere that Jesus was meant to have risen at 3pm on Easter Sunday? Is that a given fact?

And if so, what an odd time. It's almost consciously saying to people 'Aaaa! You mortals get up at 5am! The Son of God is completely different from you. 3pm! 3pm!' Which all adds to my argument that the Bible does stretch the truth a little. And while I think Christianity as a concept can be a Good Thing, I think the Bible is, on the whole, a load of old toot made up by some bearded misogynistic ninnies who wanted to keep the populous in check.

Anyway, lets say that the you/Him/3pm thing is not completely different. I mean, we've all stumbled around in a cave for a bit, tried to find our pants, got a cup of tea and went back to bed when he realised they've moved Popworld to Saturdays now. And if 3pm is a given fact, can someone please explain this to the church opposite our house, which took great joy in ringing in that Christ Had Risen Again at half eight in the morning? Bunch of gits.

Oh yes. We live next to a church. I'm sure you're surprised that we Gentlemen Who Aren't Particularly Favoured By The Bible live so close. We almost didn't take our fabulous cottage. I mean, where does their religious influence extend to? Surely everything in the church is holy, natch, so does this go on to the plumbing? We have to share a stopcock with the vicarage, which is perilously close to my porn collection, so does this mean that 'Czech Please!' is now capable of warding off vampires?

Enquiring minds, and all that.

Anyway, we took the house after we found out the church was called St Mary Magdalene's. And if that's not a sign from God, I don't know what is.


Qenny said...

Think there may be some confusion here. He died at 3pm (allegedly), and the veil of the temple was rent in twain (which I used to think was a male prostitute on the Orient Express).

He rose quite early, and we know this because your chum Mary Magdalene popped along on the Sunday morning to find that the giant easter egg had been rolled away from the entrance to the tomb.

Besides, he had a reputation for being an early riser, as it was his habit to go out cruising for fishermen, and those chaps are all up and away at the crack of dawn. Although after getting the call, they told dawn to shove it and became fishers of men. So that there church can't diss you, sweet Lee.

CyberPete said...

> We have to share a stopcock with the vicarage

This does call for a DIRTY! ;)

Marco Valente said...

Almost anything can be interpreted as a sign from good by THEM!

Reluctant Nomad said...

So this is a real church that you live next to and not the church full of sweaty men in lycra attended religiously by gay men?

mainja said...

sign sign, everywhere a sign...

Vampire Librarian said...

You asked, "Does this mean that 'Czech Please!' is now capable of warding off vampires?"

Only homophobic ones.

Tickersoid said...

If I was in your shoes, living close to a church, I don't think I could resist turning up each Sunday in a big hat, long gloves and flowery dress.

Actually, I do, so maybe I will.

Qenny said...

Is 'Czech Please!' the one where two guys with PAs hook them together using a length of chain? Very entertainingly inventive bit of porn, I thought.

Spinsterella said...

Um, I believe it was 3 am. I've been thoroughly educated in the Catholic way.

They ring the bells early in the morning because they're sadistic bastards.