Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Hues and Cruise

Doesn't that Tom Cruise dress well? He's very good with colours, isn't he?

And in a completely different tack, let's have a quick chat about being a Gentleman Who Is Good With Colours. Did you know we are quite good with colours? Oh yes. Sorry to dispel that little mystery, but there you have it. The secret is having an eye for matching them up. Well, bar my friend Gertie, who insists that military shade of avocado goes with everything. It does not; though later opinions feel he's just constantly wearing this so he can cruise in the bushes with perfect camouflage.

Now, you can reach the next stage of Colour Nirvana by 'having your colours done'. Whether this makes you even gayer is open to debate, but it was about the time Desperate Housewives started showing and I made a pact with the Devil to come back in the next life as Bree Van Der Kamp, so draw your own conclusions.

Having your colours done is a simple process: you have natural fatty tissues in your skin with their own hues. And it simply is a case of making sure what you wear doesn't clash with that. And all this was helped by a lovely Scottish lady with hair like a mad woman's breakfast, who sits you down and discusses whether you're an autumn or a winter while throwing scarves over you. Fabulous.

And of course you won't be a bit surprised that my colours are the pitchest black, probably to match my heathen soul. My swatch seems to be based around the colours you get on a black eye. Opening my wardrobe is like looking into an undertakers' convention on an overcast day. See?


Now this leaves me in a quandary as, while it is very easy to dress smartly, when I do it has to be in a black shirt and trousers. Or a white shirt and trousers. And each time I go out, it has to be with a jacket as it makes me look like a waiter. Bah.

Anyway, what as I talking about? Tom Cruise? Oh. isn't it going to be funny when that child is about five and will look nothing like the father! Hilarious.


CyberPete said...

I love your hair! How long did it take to style it?

AndyT13 said...

For some reason that line reminds me of Frank Zappa. "YOu look Italian. You're Jewish? I LOVE your nails." TomKat. Yes, THAT child isn't going to have any problems. Happy Friday!

tornwordo said...

Such a cutie! And the thtowing of the scarves thing, very funny.

Qenny said...

I don't know if it's against the rules of Scientology to do the old turkey baster trick, so you never know, there could well be a little tiny Tom Cruise on the way. To join the little tiny one that already exists.

Tom Williams said...

Hmm. You're a summer, I'm guessing? Sharp contrast between hair and skin, slightly more blue than red...

A friend of mine had his colours done as part of a 'dressing for success' thing his work sent him on. Though I think they spent more time trying to disguise the fact he's a midget.

Just Call Me Fabulous said...

Dear little Superfreak--er, Suri...perhaps when she grows up dear old Dad can offer her fashion advice.

Lippy said...

There is something about the thought of sex with Tom Cruise that makes a turkey baster look terribly attractive, don't you think?

I had my colours done years ago - and my top two were a sort of puce pink and arriva buses turqiose. And people wonder why I wear black all the time??

Spike said...

Cruise's is probably the size of a turkey baster anyways.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

There's nothing wrong with 'Vincent Price' Black. It goes with everything (except those persistant 'turkey baster' stains).

I, unfortunately, am afflicted with the most cursed of differently abled-ness: Colour blindness.

I expect to be cast out of acceptable society now...

kyknoord said...

I'm thinking the child might end up looking a LOT like the father - just not very much like Tom.

Miss Cellania said...

I'm sure you look awesome in black.

AndyT13 said...

Forgive a small hijack from the subject of fashion (Horrors!) but I just wanted to leave y'all with this thought for the day courtesy of Randy Newman:

They say that money
Can't buy love in this world
But it'll get ya
half pound of cocaine
And a 16 year old girl
Great Big Long limosine
On a hot september night
Now that may not be love but
It's alright...


First Nations said...

do you honestly take your swatches with you in your wallet?

i do too.

oh shit, i'm gay.

....oh ROCK ON! now I get to go to the GOOD clubs!!!!!!!

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orange anubis said...

Me and my 'usband were accosted in public twice this weekend by ladies seeking colour advice! - am embracing stereotypes as I type.