Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

We're To Blane

Ah, the sun's come out in London.

That kind of 'shine that really just urges gentleman to shed your apparel and simply enjoy the new warmth. Why, even I have remove my top-coat and wandered around in my shirtsleeves - and spent a blissful half-hour staring at a building site as twenty burly navvies lifted and moved things in nary more than a pair of rough shorts and sturdy boots.

Oh yes. It's the kind of weather that makes you glad to be a Gentleman Who Can't Catch. And also fifty minutes late for work. Whoops.

But the sun's really shining because that lanky beardlet David Blane has decided to hold his next challenge not in our fair city, but over in New York. Bliss! And while we'll never really know the reason why he's gone back to his home town, I bet that when he was suspended in a box down by Tower Bridge, we took great delight in pelting the fool's Tupperware container with eggs and golf balls was certainly a contributing factor.

Aren't we just terrible?!

Apparently Blaine's spokesman Pat Smith said the magician did not expect to receive similar attacks in the star's 'home town' because "New Yorkers are cool about this kind of thing."

Oh but we are cool.

We just happen to hate droning personality vacuums who blight our national monuments with dull stunts. Being in a box for a few weeks? Ye gods, man! A hamster can do that! Are you really saying 'look at me, I am your god!' or 'Next time, put a wheel in, would you? I was a bit bored.'

So for the next challenge, he's clearly listened to our shouts of 'Go drown yourself!' by volunteering to live underwater for a week.

Now, dear New Yorkers. Come on, show you're as cool as we are. We dare you to stand by the edge of his water tank with a plugged-in toaster.

That'll get the fucker worried.


First Nations said...

a splendid idea, my darling.
*revs up her credit cards and its off to the small appliances section i go*

Qenny said...

The magic community are a bit divided on the relative merits of David Blaine. On the one hand, he did revive interest in the art, but on the other hand, he's such a head up his own arse tosser.

Cute, though. But not after living for a week in a tank that will very quickly become completely cloudy with his own dead skill cells. (Chris Angel - I think - did the same stunt, but only for about 27 horus.)

Apparently, after spending lots of time in a tank, he's going to try and hold his breath for longer than anyone has ever done that before. Seems to me like he's asking for major brain damage.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Has he not already got major brain damage then, Qenny? It sure seems like it.

I'm liking the toaster idea, but first, coach loads of school kids should be encouraged to wee into his tank. The little bleeders are riddled with disease. Then, when he begs for his suffering to end, drop in the toaster.

Everyone's happy!

AndyT13 said...

Excellent ideas all but DO let the begging for it to end go on for a while can't we. Say, a very loooooooong while? Kthx.

Lippy said...

Building sites - oh yes, men in rigger boots and hard hats, does it for me!

Tickersoid said...

I think David should recieve a lottery money grant to tour 'chav speed hump land' teaching others to follow his example.

Then one big toaster should sort them all out.

GayProf said...

"New Yorkers are cool about this kind of thing."

Clearly their vision of cool does not align with mine.

Askinstoo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Concrete X said...

You got spam, G4B! Gasp!

And aren't you sweary?

Reluctant Nomad said...

I didn't even know who he was until he was one of the celebrities I allegedly look a bit like when I submitted my face pic to the 'see which celebrity you look like' website.

Spike said...

Have packed my toaster and a bottle of toddler wee and am on the next plane.

Rob said...

I was always rather disappointed the Met Police put the kibosh on the OUT event that was set up to go and throw sausages at him.

That would have been a good afternoon that.

Ryan said...

andy told me about your blog so stopping in 2 say hi ill b back 2 check out more later cool so far!

The Lady Muck said...

Oh I hate that man so much, I can feel the bile rising in my throat already. It'd be worth paying to fly to New York just to do that.

morgalou said...

You obviously walk past better building sites than me. The house over the road's had builders in for months now. And they've all got huuuuge beer guts (which they adorn with a Pot Noodle and The Sun over lunch) or they're ratty little things with legs like 12 year olds. A crying shame.

AndyT13 said...

GayProf: We New Yorkers are cool with no such thing. I shall be there with my toaster.