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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The Big Tuesday Question

Someone pointed this Big Fact out to me on Saturday evening. Well, I think they did - we were having a Eurovision party and at the start of it, there were 12 bottles of rosé wine, and at the end of it there were none and a bottle of vodka had evaporated too.

For the Canadian readership (I have no idea why I have so many Canadians as readers. Do I smell of maple syrup or something?) Eurovision is a brilliant white elephant left over from an ideal when all television in Europe would be brought together under one roof. With grand plans for cross-continental soap operas and showbiz events that never materialised, what's left is a global talent show that's meant to bring us all together in multiple culture happiness, but degenerates into the Greeks voting for their neighbours, the Dutch voting for theirs, the British pretending to be above all this, and the French each year pissing everyone off by demanding that the whole thing be done in their native tongue. To which everyone but the Spanish always boo.

So as you can see, it's a perfect symbol of cultural interchange and relations. 500 years of invading and hating each other can't just be brushed under the carpet. Oh no. But what we cando is coat everything in sequins and hang a mirrorball over the event, have a bit of a sing-song and everyone seems a little easier about the whole affair.

Anyway, this big revelation. It was while we were totting up the scores from our 'Outfits' part of the scorecard when a fabled friend said the Big Fact upon the room, and we all thought about it. And lo, it turned out to be true.

So I ask you the question. The great public. And more specifically, the Gentlemen Who Are Good With Showtunes.

All gay men had a typewriter when they were a boy.

Comment below.

33 comments:

Adam said...

I had two! And I'm so gay I have limp ankles.

Jay said...

No, No, No!

I had a tea-set as a child, which, if anything, is even more telling.

Hence as an entirely adult Gentleman-Who-Enjoys-Harpers-Bazaar, i can't type for shit, but can make a lovely cup of tea.

BiB said...

I didn't, but should have. My parents thought they could divert fate with skateboards and footballs. Didn't work. The skateboard was a lovely red, mind.

Owen Blacker said...

Yup. It was my mam's typewriter too. Does that make it worse?

Brad Fitt said...

Absolutely, as well as a post office set and an obsession with filing which I still have to this day. I used to spend all my pocket money on folders and dividers at WH Smiths. Oh, and highlighter pens. I can't remember what I used to file apart from the song lyric pages from Smash Hits.

Tom Williams said...

I didn't, but I suspect I would have done if I'd been born a bit earlier. The closest I had was a Spectrum.

orange anubis said...

i had one, it was fabulous. the day it came i grabbed the nearest example of the written word (the tv times, with a picture of emmerdale farm on the front) and started typing it out.

it was ALL about the BELL. ding!

Jemima said...

Are you saying only gay men had typewriters when they were a boy? I had one, only I wasn't a boy and I'm not a gay man. I have, however, confused myself.

I lusted after my typewriter so much, and when I finally got one, it was a massive disappointment.

A lot like many things in life.

Gareth said...

Puts up hand and confesses. It was at least thirty years old when I used it, so it must be due for a pension now.

tornwordo said...

Oh yes, an electric one, and one of my fondest schoolhood memories was "typing class", an elective in the 7th grade.

rhino75 said...

I had a typewriter, a teaset AND a Post Office set - I should surely be up for some kind of Gayness award. But I'm more impressed by the fact that I managed to combine at least two of them into a career!!

DanProject76 said...

Never had one.

But I would have loved one, if that helps prove your point.

Rob said...

My typing speed still terrifies and amazes people from job agencies to colleagues to email flirts.

And it's all down to the fact that my mum sat me down one evening and said "NOW TYPE!".

And then "NO! WITH MORE THAN TWO FINGERS!"

I never looked back.

Electric ones were crappy though. You want those huge fuckers where the keys had to be pressed down for about a mile before ink would be passed to paper if you want to be nostalgic.

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

Mind you, it'd take four days to write a love letter. But since I'm a gay I could at least have it in triplicate to save time later on.

CyberPete said...

I did, that, an unconnected phone my dad had taken nay bought for me from his office, and one of those calculator things that put it all on a paper strip.

Oh how I loved playing the secretary. Dressing up in skirts, blouses and my mums highest heels possible. These fabulous black strappy stilettos from Gucci. It was fabulous, now actually I suspect Geri had watched me for years and then made the video 'Desire' in tribute.

Nick said...

Yes I did as well... I used it to write my short stories for homework on. A proper old fashioned one as well, not an electric one.

I remember knocking out a brilliant story about a tornado that struck when my handsome hero was at a bank, who cleverly locked himself in the vault to avoid the winds and falling debris.

See - even at age seven I was trying to blow men.

jjd said...

I did, and I first used it to write a letter to my GIRLFRIEND telling her why we needed to break up. I blame the typewriter for making me gay.

Logan said...

You betcha.

The boyfriend admitted he had one, too.

Spike said...

a post office set

Rhino and Brad, you lucky swine.

I had a typewriter and a drum and a little red wheelbarrow.

Spike said...

P.S. I am bisexual. Possibly the wheelbarrow caused that.

Perry Neeham said...

I got an action man for a birthday present. I hardly played with him. Then I got a second one for a Chrismas present. Two were MUCH more fun to play with.

Steve said...

Sorry, but I'm gonna queer the pitch now - I'm NOT gay and I had a typewriter (a gorgeous sky blue Silver Reed one). Maybe I am the one in ten?

First Nations said...

I had a Royal manual. Sometimes Barbie would take a ride on the carriage and get launched into space when the 'return' was employed. Ding!

I was a single child, yes. why do you ask?

Jemima said...

I had a wheelbarrow too. And it made me bi too. This is science.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I didn't have one but wanted one more than anything in the world. I also loved my mum's sewing machine and used to craze her to let me run up a slinky little number with it!

How she never knew, I don't know...

Miss Cellania said...

Was there a question in here?

Broderick said...

Lee, you don't smell of maple syrup, at least I don't think so, but us Canadians (at least those from the West Coast) love a man who looks like he might've been teased during floor hockey in gym class.

Also, I know what Eurovision is. I watched some of it. It was kinda ass, but I liked the band that won, cause they were pretentious little monsters! Daz Sampson's little chav choir was funny but he needed to die.

Ollie said...

Oh sweet madonna on a cross! I had 2 typewriters on which I used to write anonymous hate letters.

I really am gayer than an Aunt Bessie yorkshire pudding!

Neep said...

So... did my wheelbarrow make me like girls?

Qenny said...

I didn't have a typewriter myself, but did spent a lot of time playing secretary using my sister's little portable number. And I more than made up for when I got to be librarian at my school. I was granted unfettered use of a huge monster of a thing that must have weighed, oh, lots. Also had a thing for stationery in general.

Ollie said...

I blame all this on Jessica Fletcher

Bob said...

yes. and I could touch type by age 12.

Will said...

I started on my mum's, but I had my own before long.

Typewriter, yes.

Limehouse Dan said...

I had several and loved them all. They were wonderful friends; desperate for me to talk about myself and nothing else.