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Thursday, May 25, 2006

An Expensive Hussy

Someone accused me of being cheap the other day.

I know! Me! Who's given his life over to charity! And yes, I can say that with a straight face - I must have been extremely charitable some nights I've been out clubbing for some of the Gentlemen Callers I've come round next to. Nothing stirs you from your hangover like seeing a pair of saggy brown undercrackers disappearing off in the direction of the bathroom, their owner scratching their contents while listlessly cocking a butt cheek to fart.

Ah, romance.

I mean, I didn't want to be known as a bit of a loose-moralled lass, but when you're known by your friends as the newest tube line ("we've seen how many men have ridden you in rush hour!") one must take every precaution so as to not just end up with any old stranger drilling you in the dark. Remember the resurgence of fluorescent pop socks a few years back? That was solely my fault. For I just found it very useful when you're wearing your ankles as earrings to have some light source close to your face. Unfortunately, I'd only managed to find the pink ones, so each of my conquerors was lit by an unflattering red glow like you get in horror films. After a while, they all started to look like Freddie Krueger.

So anyway, I'm not cheap. Those pop socks cost a pretty penny, let me tell you. And it's a lie that you could have got me into bed for six Cheeky Vimtos and a kebab.

It was seven.

See? Charitable. I've been single-handedly keeping inflation down at 2% since 1986.

9 comments:

First Nations said...

now see, there goes my goddamn coffee out my nose again!
dammit, would you WARN a person?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Hurrah for you!

I can afford that mortgage now...

CyberPete said...

> but when you're known by your friends as the newest tube line ("we've seen how many men have ridden you in rush hour!" <

Utter perfection!

Spinsterella said...

But...

But I thought all gay men were fabulously gorgeous models of physical perfection, dressed only in the most exquisitely fashionable threads?

"a pair of saggy brown undercrackers" ????

No Shit Sherlock said...

You haven't seen kicking-out time in NZ... With the fat girls wearing wings crying optional...
You're funny.
I like you.
You're stuck with me... *ebil grin*

Lee said...

> But I thought all gay men were fabulously gorgeous models of physical perfection, dressed only in the most exquisitely fashionable threads? "a pair of saggy brown undercrackers" ????

Oh dear Spinsterella, sometimes we Gentlemen Who Can't Catch accidentally end up in the bedsit of a more... curious gentleman who's never sat on our bus before. Bad underwear is a giveaway of that.

Qenny said...

Freddie Krueger? Well, there's a lot to be said for some artistic scarification.

Spike said...

curious gentleman who's never sat on our bus before. Bad underwear is a giveaway of that.

Ahem, sister.

Spinsterella said...

Of course.

I should have realised. They're all ever-so-slightly curious really, aren't they?