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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

'Please Go To Checkout Number 2'

So, do tell me. You're waiting in queue to pay for your delicious series of ready-meals in a well-known local supermarket when you're called down to your checkout operator. What exactly is the correct etiquette when, upon getting down there, do you discover there is a drag queen on the till? Not an extravagant, hair everywhere, teeth and claws diva, but a drag queen nonetheless?

Should you:

* Avert your eyes

* Avert your eyes and prey you didn't put a copy of well-known listings magazine 'TV Quick' in your basket in case of any misunderstandings.

* Watch her adam's apple bob up and down under the diamante choker as she asks you whether you want cashback.

* Yelp "Teri Hatcher! I loved you in Lois and Clark!"

* Grasp her manly hands and state that she's doing wonders for our cause, with a liberal spraying of glitter and eyelashes so long she has to tip her head back to open her eyes.

* Yelp "Teri Hatcher! I loved you in Desperate Housewives!"

* Wonder if it's actually a health hazard to have that much hairspray so close to fresh fruit.

Yelp "Teri Hatcher! Weren't you in Return to Oz? I do recall this evil scarecrow that was a bundle of twigs with a slightly immobile orange head in it."

Personally? I did the first one.

Then the last one. Grin.


Bob said...

Shucks. Our Waitrose is so boring.

AndyT13 said...

You, Sir, are a naughty man and will come to no good. I LOVE it! LOL!

tornwordo said...

I would've watched the adam's apple.

First Nations said...

Why aren't my trips to the supermarket as interesting as yours?

although while i was standing in line i did overhear a good story about bovine articficial insemination a few months ago.


Just Call Me Fabulous said...

you are one of the funniest people i know. how is it that you encounter such hilarity on a seemingly daily basis?

GayProf said...

You should offer her the helpful tip that getting a larger till will make her hands seem smaller and more feminine.

Logan said...

I accidentally pissed on a drag queen once after turning just so slightly from the urinal to inform her that "thsss th' menss rrhoom" all slurred and incoherent.

kyknoord said...

Decisions, decisions!

Spike said...

Woulda grasped her manly hands.

Logan, is it true you haven't lived till you've pissed on a drag queen? I ask for a friend.

mr null said...

You simply re-arrange a banana and 2 oranges in an amusing shape on the conveyor belt. Repeat until all the bananas and oranges have been used.

Mark said...

Not really related, but it made me smile. I walked past a guy on his way to the gym this morning. He was on his mobile and as I walked past I overheard a snippet of the conversation, "...well there must have been Rohypnol in it because I woke up with a wet bottom..."


Lippy said...

I lead a sheltered life here in the hills - a hurdle bunting drag queen has yet to arise from behind a hedge!

MJ said...

Same thing happened to me last week. I complimented her on her understated yet funky jewellery.