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Friday, June 30, 2006

Getting Your Baguette Handled

The Infamous Paul Vyse cordially invites me to his 40th birthday bash this very weekend, though he hasn't made it clear what the '40' was he was celebrating: be it years, decades, or Bel Amis DVDs he'd accrued. Naturally it's fancy dress, so I was over Boots getting some hair dye for my costume at lunch.

While I airily waved around my baguette (I'm wearing very loose-fitting trousers) and shuffling forward in a queue that was slower than a mong on tamazapan, I spied a good-looking functionary 'round the corner, waving for people to come over to his check-out. Nobody had noticed. They were too busy picking at the labels on their 'Be Good To Yourself' salads and wondering which one from IT they'd jump.

So I smiled and trolled over.

"I don't know why nobody comes around here," he complained as he scanned my baguette with careful hands.

"I know. It's a very nice till"

"Thank you!" he smiled, looking up. He rifled through my shopping.

"Hair dye?"

"For the weekend," I said, completely oblivious.

"Oh there's lots of things going on this weekend, isn't there?" he said, reaching down in front of his till for a EuroPride leaflet that I swear wasn't there a second ago. "All sorts?"

"Oh yes - that!" I'd completely forgot. While I like the idea of Pride events, I don't like attending that much. Too many man-made fibre. And whistles. But still, he seemed very excited so I played along: "The march is going through Oxford Street, isn't it?"

He stopped fanning himself with his leaflet.

"...all the way down to G-A-Y."

"Yeah, but it's only Texas playing. Give me Girls Aloud or give me nothing!" I said.

"You going?"

"Good lord, no. I haven't been there since Boney M were on. The first time."

"Shame," he said with a naughty smile.

Ay, me. I've still gorrit.


kyknoord said...

Sure, as if there was any doubt.

First Nations said...

you not only have IT, you're going to dye IT and take IT out partying. such a stud!

Qenny said...

Of course, you've still got it. And we love to see you flaunt it.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

It's amazing what one can pick up in Boots...

CyberPete said...

What qenny and IDV said...

DanProject76 said...

Did he swipe your reward card?

andiandi said...

I once pashed a girl with big red hair on a balcony in front of all my mates after accepting two temazapan from a man who would later become my first proper boyfriend.

Spike said...

What Cyberpete said.

Limehouse Dan said...

I'm sure I saw a Boots worker fitting this description just an hour or so later on Oxford Street bashing his head against the floor weeping, "oh, the shame! The shame!".