Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

High On A Hill...

It's a little-known fact that we Gentlemen Who Can't Catch like the theatre.

I know, I know - you can feel the pillars of reality crumble as I spill this secret before you. I bet you all thought we liked that footskitball thing that's currently going on. But no - give us a bit of show and we're happy.

You see, with all this free time I've got coming up, I was wondering what to do with my time... Would it be days of sitting around in my pants and watching soaps, circling things in the Argos catalogue with a red pen, thinking 'That'd do lovely for the back bedroom...' while doing cock-awful covers at ten-to-five to pay for all the Pot Noodles I can eat? Or shall I do something constructive and go back to my theatre roots?

I do a mean Maria Von Trapp, you know.

All we Gentlemen Who Has Confidence In Me can - it's in our bright pink blood. You get us anywhere near the required number of children and all of a sudden we've whipped off any curtains in the vicinity and are swirling around, trying to marry anyone who owns a big enough house.

We did a production at school once and they laughed - laughed! - at me because I was a boy who wanted to play a nun. I was never clear why; whether it was a boy who wanted to play a girl (a fine Shakespearean tradition!) or that I was going to play a nun when, by that tender age, the men I'd already had were numbering sixteen (going on seventeen). But I fought for it tooth and nail - no-one drunk more tea with jam and bread! No-one climbed every mountain higher! No-one had more favourite things! And I nailed that part just like Daniel Fox nailed me behind the tennis courts. I tell you, there's something about a nun's habit that gets teenage boys riled.

Of course, my mother let me down on the night of the big performance. Couldn't get curtains. Had to use blinds.

Made a bit of a show of myself when I got the pull-cord caught in Liesl's hair and revealed myself to the whole dress circle with a 'fwip!' noise.

Brought the house down.


Just Call Me Fabulous said...

I'm sure you were fabulous, dear. An absolutely stunning rendition. Could you hit those high notes?

Da Nator said...

Fabulous - you were a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence before its time! Would that make you... a novitiate of indulgence?

Sam said...

hehe, oh how the gays love maria...cut to scenes of my boyfriend and i traipsing around in the mountains outside salzburg earlier this year humming along to the sound of music choons and doing 'liza with a z' poses in front of the infamous gazebo, gay but oh so much fun :)

Tickersoid said...

You see, this is what confuses everyone about me. I love musicals and don't have a clue about the 'off side rule'.

Great finish to this post btw.

'fwip' *snigger*

Perry Neeham said...

Hollywood must be thinking of doing a remake of The SoM (if they have the nerve to do 'Get Carter' and 'The Italian Job' they'll stop at nothing).

But who should step into Mr Plummer's shoes? And who could possibly slip into Mrs Blake Edwards' slingbacks?

kyknoord said...

Exactly how mean?

Lippy said...

Ooh a theatrical, how absolutley marvelous, I've got one or two cases that could do with another witness. You're not allergic to a bit of perjury are you?

First Nations said...

Lee, the thought of you as renegade nunlet Maria Von Trapp is possibly the best mental image i've entertained this week. little you in a habit singing the 'do, re, me' song? i feel faint!

Qenny said...

I assume you got a curtain call for your performance?

Sorry, couldn't resist.