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Monday, August 21, 2006

Body Art

And then, all of a sudden, I'm the Other Woman.

Oh yes! Here I am, gadding about and seeing a gentleman caller with a boyfriend. I know! Aren't I terrible! On my tax return I can put my occupation as 'Dirty Little Secret'!

This, of course, is perfect for me. As I once more find my feet in London's whizzy world of the gay homothexual - although it turns out my feet can mostly be found pointing skyward in the back of a bar at 3am these days - it's lovely to have someone that is all forgiving of said antics while he sorts himself out. And he is brilliant. And has the same name as me. And the same beard. And the same sense of humour.

Oh god, my narcissism know no bounds, does it?

Apparently not; at least I can scream my own name out during the moment of climax without him twigging on. What larks!

In fact the only difference between him and my lovely self is he has some tattoos and I do not. Well! I've never had a thing for tattoos before - never been against them, never been for them. But there's something quite sweet about him when there he lies, curled up into my pillows all post-coital and snoring like a bronchial warthog, and I lightly trace the geeky body art he has on his chest. Actually, hell, it's slightly stalker-ish, but what is attraction if a bunny doesn't suffer along the way, hmm?

In fact, tattoos have been making a bit of an appearance in my gentlemen callers of late. One of them had a barcode on his backside - I didn't dare scan it lest it said '2 for 1 deal on porridge' or something, and one of them - well! Tender readers, all I shall say was it was most impressive. He took his top off, and I gawped - there was this tattoo that went all the way up his back.

Frankly, I didn't know whether to mount him or throw a six to start.

Oh, me.

11 comments:

Imogen said...

"at least I can scream my own name out during the moment of climax without him twigging on."

And is that a problem you have a lot, Lee?

Tx

AndyT13 said...

Embracing your inner whore dear!
What fun! Screaming your own name! LOL!

CyberPete said...

Sounds like someones having fun.

Tattoos can be quite sexy. You know, I've barcodes in *other* areas.. Never thought of scanning though, but now you mention it, could be interesting.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

At least the 'impressive tattoo' guy had something else to slide down on...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just jealous...

mr null said...

A barcode? He didn't have a tesco tunic hidden is his bag, did he? ;-)

Limehouse Dan said...

Oh, you indeed. I feel I could lick your fabulous filth off my fingers...

Qenny said...

Don't scan the barcode. It could give you the wrong message. If it is a BOGOF, then that's hardly what you want to hear when you're about to get down and dirty, innit.

I'm assuming, given the feet pointing skyward at 3am thing, that you're taking care to wear ear-rings that match your shoes?

Rob said...

Careful - it can become a habit.

I went through a year where I only ever slept with men who had boyfriends.

Oddly enough it took me ages to notice the pattern.

And speaking of patterns... I'm beginning to get rather into tattoos for some reason.

David said...

Back on the horse? You're going to *break* the horse.

Dantallion said...

One of them had a barcode on his backside

"Price check on aisle 4, please!"

Howard said...

Yay! Tattoos! (etc.)