Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, August 07, 2006

On The Fifteenth Day

Enough of dragging this out. The fifteenth day.

When you've been blogging for a while, you imagine certain entries you may have to write. The one about being diagnosed with something hideous and the way you're going to tell the world to get the most comments in sympathy (oh come on, you have). Or that Ben Browder finally responded to that unsolicited email four years ago, has decided that, yes he would like to run away with you, and he'll be there in fifteen minutes so you'd better grab your toothbrush. And idly, at odd times, you wonder what you were going to write when you split up with your long-term partner.

You're not going to know the details, the reasons why or how. Most of my friends don't even know why it was the case, so I'm not tell you lot, lovely though you may be. But it was short and sharp when it happened, a grand total of fifteen minutes to cap off four years; I laid my keys to his house on the kitchen work surface and walked away from him, left the house and got ten feet before I couldn't walk any further. The crippling agony of what had happened almost doubled me up; I could feel the bile rising and my head throbbing with pain. I supported myself on a tree (the tree that we both jokes about them never cutting - oh god, the first of those portentous signs I would start seeing of our life together) and my chest heaved and heaved, drawing in raw breath like I was suffocating.

On the train on the way back, two teenagers got on with me and took the next to me as I silently cried my eyes out behind sunglasses: it was a laughable sight in retrospect. I can remember every sentence of their conversation even now, the banality of them going on about baps from Marks and Spencers while I felt like my stomach lining had ripped, their comparisons punctuated by me thinking 'Fuckofffuckofffuckoffjuststoptalkingaboutbreadyoumoronsjustfuckoff'. It is impossible to surround yourself with normality at that point.

Two days after the breakup, I got a note from the post office. There was a parcel there for me. I have a feeling that he, my now-ex, has just packaged everything up of mine and posted it off. I've not been to collect it yet; some childish thing inside me realises that if I do, That Will Be It.

Stupid, really. But that's how we all feel when it all comes crashing down.


* * * * *

So what do I do now?

I seriously considered giving this blog up; do you want to hear about break-ups and their aftermath? You come here for fine jokes, wine, women and song! Can I provide enough glittery distraction?

I think so. I'm almost fine. Its been a rough couple of weeks, but here I am again. There will always be pop music, there will always be a shabby c-list celeb to take the piss out of. Of course there will be boys - oh yes! What the web needs is another gay sex blog, doesn't it?! Those things aren't as common as people from Croydon. So if that does offend, you may want to take this out of your Favourites from this point onwards.

So yes. Onwards and, indeed, upwards.

40 comments:

Mark said...

Ouch.

Erinna said...

Hrm...I've had more than one comment disappear into the void. I don't know what's up with that.

Anyway, all I really wanted to say is that I'm terribly, terribly sorry. :(

Perry Neeham said...

I don't know what to say or how to say it even if I did.

But, just because I'm skipping saying the difficult bit, doesn't mean I'm not thinking it. BTW, like all of your fans, I hope you'll keep posting on GFB.

AndyT13 said...

Well that's just friggin awful. Very sorry mate. If it's any consolation (it's not) you aren't alone. My mate of 1 year just hied herself hence out of my life too.
So the world is suckin right now. And not in a good way.

First Nations said...

you are still you, and its you that i adore recklessly. keep blogging.

Mr Oddverse said...

Yes, it's awful. No, you shouldn't give up. Yes, I will keep coming back, like herpes.

coolbuddha said...

Your blog is a delight to read because of the humour, but it's also your insight, savvy and way with words. No one is 'funny hah hah' 24/7 - unless you are Keith Chegwin of course (and he's a bit of a tit). Speaking as the Honorary President of the Single Duvet Society: good luck.

JayMaster said...

You have to keep on blogging - it reminds people like me - (who only blog about their mundane worries) - about why they started blogging. That is, to create lovely cyber-froth to make people smile laugh and (occasionally) cry. I know you will have some tough times ahead ? but surely a lot of comments from random purveyors of blog heaven helps?! Jay x

tornwordo said...

Oh dear lee. Who hasn't gone through that. (I'm sure there are some people, but they are the despicable ones)

I for one look forward to your new adventures. Soon you will too, I'm sure.

(Hugs)

DanProject76 said...

That's heartbreaking.

But I am glad you're still here entertaining us. It'll help you as well as keep us amused.

Howard said...

Oh, stop blogging if it's going to be all self-pitying tosh like this, Lee. Got a problem? Get glitter! Fuck's sake, surely you should be telling us about your adventures in singledom, and no, I don't mean all your grubby bum jobs, but I mean the rediscovery of the man behind Billy's cellulite-free thighs and such like.

That's the man we respect and admire.

(and secretly have a bit of a boner for)

Nate The Great said...

A gay sex blog? Well heck, I'll keep reading then (just maybe not at work). Oh who am I kidding, I'll read it at work, I don't have much else to do...

Ray said...

longtime reader, first time commenter. ... well this just tears it. first i break my neck, am facing surgery, my dog dies, and now this? ... the possibility of you stopping your blog? ... it simply is out of the question. you would be much missed. really sorry to hear about the breakup. take your time, Lee, oddly enough it does get better. in the mean time try trashy movies, sad songs, and lots of gin ...

Pam said...

Just remember, you are fabulous !

Frank said...

Very sad. Don't give up on Ye Olde Blogge, though! The world needs more glitter (though another gay sex blog isn't going to hurt anything), darling, and you're just the one to give it to us. Just remember that we love you, you crazy Brit!

Queen said...

While I don't necessarily agree with the Superman Returns review < g >, I hope you don't leave the blogging. I enjoy reading yours.

Sorry about the break-up, and I hope things go better for you in the days to come.

Vampire Librarian said...

Lee,

I'm packing up Ben Browder for you right now. It'll only cost me $2381.19 (or 1850.56 euros) to Fedex him. He'll arrive by 6pm Aug. 10th. I hope he can be of help to you.

But the packing list will be falsified. To ward off suspicion, it will appear to be 217 "Murder, She Wrote" novels.

Like First Nations said, "It's you [we] adore." We will keep reading and loving you.

Take some time, but do come back to us.

Ian said...

I only just (today - blame the Coterie of Zombies) discovered this blog, you can't stop now!

P.S. Ben says he's waiting for your call (Man I hope this posting of links in comments thing works!)

Valley Boy said...

Another long time lurker, first time commenter (hate the whole 'open a blogger account first' thing): Lee, although none of us really know you, it's hard not to feel for you and the mrs. But the summer's winding down, and the nights are drawing in, and as the whole of london basks in their post-holiday bronze glows, there are worse times to be newly-single. Plus, hats are back!

No Shit Sherlock said...

Aw, my lovely boy... *hugs through the ether* Don't give up, life won't be the same without you. And remember, you are lovely and you will get on fine without him and you are gorgeous and I swear I have packaged up Jake Gyllanhaal and Matthew Fox AND Chris Evans AND Ben Browder and they will be to you as soon as I can get them through customs.
Don't fret sweet, it'll be fine. Take your time, keep your chin up and remember YOU ARE FABULOUS!

Sharon said...

AWWWWW.... come 'ere hun.
*gives Lee big warm lesbo squish* You've been through the mill a bit lately haven't you... just remember nobody in the whole wide world sparkles nearly as much as much as you :o)

hendrix said...

Another long time reader first time commenter here. Very very sorry you're going through this. The glitter does start to sparkle again - although it might not seem like it for a while (and right now you might not want it to anyway). I'llbe keeping you on my favourites list

Snooze said...

You captured that sense of loss very accurately. I've certainly had those moments of sorrow on public transportation.

I love your blog. But that's it - it's YOUR blog. Write as long as it's a good release for you, and if you aren't up to writing, then just leave it for a while.

Will said...

Hope you're doing OK, Lee. Today's post above is testament that you still have the glittery goodness spouting from your fingertips.

I'm not very good with, like, empathy and stuff, so I'm imagining you have been diagnosed with something hideous. Scrofula, in fact. I don't know what it is but it sounds vile.

mr null said...

Don't give up the blogging: The cream rises to the top - and yours is right up there.

Just Call Me Fabulous said...

Where can we send gifts of adoration to console you? Expect packages of Girls Aloud and chocolate galore.

Sean said...

Among that fabulous group of Men Who Are Good Listeners, there is an even more fabulously special subgroup of Men Who Have A Way With Words, and you're among that number.

I've always found writing to be cathartic; when you've gotten things out of your system by talking them over (with friends or drunken strangers, as the case may be) it can help to put further distance between yourself and "the events" by describing them, or reacting to them, using pen and paper, or indeed ink and quill.

So please keep sharing your glittery insights with us, even if you have no more to say on the subject of He Who Shall Not Be Named. Your blog would be greatly missed (see comments above) and I can't help wondering if you'd miss blogging more than you realise; its been part of your life these past four years, so it'd really mean going cold turkey if you tried giving that up right now.

Look after yourself Lee. By the way, beware Irishmen prowling in the White Swan... you might get accosted at the bar next time I'm in London

Jaclyn said...

If you quit, who else will make sure I end up wearing as well as drinking my coffee at least once a week?

I'm really sorry you're being put through the wringer right now. Sucks.

Hang in there, you glittering british prince.

Scott said...

Reading that post hurt. It hurt because

a) you seem like a fabulous chap who doesn't deserve pain like that
b) you described exactly how I felt earlier this year when I finally called it quits with my boyfriend

We all know it gets better though and, in your case, it'll get a LOT better (you can't have Ben Browder, however -- he is SO mine!!)

Yammer Rancour said...

Yes, don't leave us Lee. It has obviously been hell for you, breakups always are.

But in times of utter dispair you can always turn on the Girls Aloud DVD and have fun spotting yourself and of course entertain yourself and the rest of us groupies by writing scathing reviews of all the crap movies that they seem to keep churning out. In the words of Maria... "And then I don't feeeeeel soooo baaaaaaad"

*hugs*

rhino75 said...

I'm sorry to hear your news. Hang in there.

morgalou said...

Oh, Lee. :(

The internet would be a less glittery place without you. Where else would we go for insightful comments on Nicola's face in the new Girls Aloud video? What would the Mulgrew-acolytes do for t-shirt slogans without you?

In the immortal words of particularly bad 80's popsters, Yazz - the only way is up.

Ahem.

Charlee Brown said...

*hugs*

Gareth said...

A few days late after the blog, but don't you dare give upblogging. It's definetly there in my top ten. Whre else am I going to get decent film reviews tailorded for the gentlemen who don't do films.

Spike said...

What Mark and Amopodex said. Am sending Russel Crowe and Dogbolter.

mainja said...

*great big hug*

Evan said...

o'ourse, listen to Howie day, it seems to fit ;)

Lubin said...

Just to add my voice to everyone else to say "don't give up!!!!"

GayProf said...

I just read this post and want to express my condolences. The end of LTR?s sucks and I am sorry for the down-feelings you are going to be having.

Spaceminx said...

Big bone-crushing bear hugs Lee. Make like Janeway. Get up, dust yourself off, tuck that section of hair back into your bun and blow the shit out of the motherhumpers.