Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Hop Along

Wait, what's this note someone's pushed through? Madonna's coming back and doing a hip-hop album?

Sorry, yes - that was us rolling our heads back and laughing like a spastic on helium. Just the mere thought of this octogenarian popstrell getting down with her homies is hilarious - especially after her insistence that she's now an 'English Rose' and plastered those shots of her tramping through the woods of her London home all over the glossies; you know, the ones with a shotgun over her arm and dark green wellies up to her artificial hip. So the thought of her flashing her bling on the corner of some Harlem street is not incongruous in the slightest. For one, she's not hard enough to do hip-hop! The only reason to spend the national debt of Belgium and shell out on a ticket to watch her live is in case she falls over on stage. She'd shatter; her bones must be breadsticks these days.

And lets not forget that we Gentlemen Who Secretly Had Lace Gloves Around The Time Of Like A Virgin - we're not particularly well disposed to the hippity-hop music. And I'm not saying we have the final word on these things, or possibly even a great bearing, but I think we all took a look at what was going on with the 'American Life' album and said 'Er, honey - there's no way we're wearing a beret to go clubbing in' and the album disappeared without a trace.

I've decided that Madge is a bit like Mr Benn, trotting along to the local fancy dress store and donning that personality for a few hours before something new comes in. What we got left? She's done cowboy, disco diva, bondage and The Earth Mother act. Why there's only a moldy costume of Spiderman with a baggy crotch left.

Hmm. Her new look. You read it here first.

7 comments:

klee said...

I think you'll find the only look she hasn't done is a burkha. Next stop: Madonna, the Taliban tour. It'd be edgy.

Bob said...

It's hip hop African tribal music (think remixed Paul Simon) to make young David feel more at home.

Ms C Qrisp said...

Coming back?

COMING BACK, did you say?

Never noticed she was gone, unfortunately. She's been hanging around like a bad smell for decades.

I've already telephoned social services to complain that she's back in the recording studio instead of helping that infant she abducted make a smooth transition from a life of impoverished misery and settle into his new dysfunctional home?

They were sympathetic, but you can tell there's nothing they can do: the Material Girl can buy just about everything, except a fresh new image.

Heard it all before, heard it all before, heard it all... damn, now she's even got ME repeating myself.

T-Bird said...

Let's just leave the reinvention and innovation to Gwen Stefani, shall we Madge?

Anon Dirty said...

I can't wait. I don't like Madonna but love hip hop.

Do you think they'll revoke my gay license?

Wanton Wonton said...

Are you serious? I can't even imagine Maddy doing hip hop...

Spike said...

Lee wrote: shots of her tramping through the woods of her London home all over the glossies; you know, the ones with a shotgun over her arm and dark green wellies up to her artificial hip

Dear God.

Anon Dirty, yep.