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Friday, January 19, 2007

Pixel Gay

The Boy kindly gave me The Sims 2 a few days ago. Cynics amongst us may believe that it's because the 'World of Warcraft Expansion Pack' has just come out and he's thrown this at me to distract from his antics of digitally twatting dwarves across the screen for the coming months. Me, yes, a 'Warcraft Widow'. The shame. And me running for the Women's Guild too...

Now. I haven't played a computer game in what seems like ages; I remember Babbage's Differential Engine trouncing me at tic-tac-toe at his gentleman's club back when there was all that scandal with the chimney boys. And some Russian thing where you had to fit all the bits together (that wasn't a game, that was at the same club and I can never remember what that Russian was called). But since then the whole of the genre has passed me by. I thought 'Ratchet and Crank' was a bike repair shop run by lesbians. And thought an 'XBox 360' was something entirely different.

But when I started this game, I found an awful lot of bugs.

For one, I created a couple of Gentlemen Who Can't Digitally Catch (who may or may not be modelled on the snake-hipped beauty of the Boy and myself to see how long we could live in the same house before killing each other or trying to microwave the cat). And when you first arrive in the game, you only have enough money to buy a little rundown one-roomed hovel in the middle of nowhere. The tiles on the kitchen floors alone was enough to make the freshly topiaried hair on the back of my neck stand up. I'm sorry, but no. One of the reasons we homothexuals don't have kids is so we can have much more disposable income, buy gorgeous things at Heals, and smile sympathetically while all the time laughing behind our hand at the father who's having to maneuver the pushchair around the wardrobe department and trying to find something functional and hardwearing. And we're not just talking about the fishwife who's hanging off his arm.

So I hied it over to the net to find the cheat for the money. Then spent the next two nights building and furnishing this fabulous Georgian-style home, and doing the garden with a delightful maze and gazebo. And it's gorgeous. I'd live there. And I keep going back and tweaking, redecorating and buying more things.

Oh yes. There's apparently some game attached after this. But clearly the gays couldn't be less interested.

15 comments:

Eden said...

I'm exactly the same: I build beautiful Georgian houses and then never play. If you go under "lots & houses" instead of "families," you can choose a lot and just build on it: no family, no spending limit.

If you ever play the "game" part, let us know what you think. I hear it's fantastic. ;)

Adam said...

Please post us a screenshot - I'd love to go through the keyhole...

David said...

You could do what Mrs Dolly did. He created a WoW character, and now we're both hooked. Joooooin us... Jooooooooin ussss!

Tara said...

Hi! I found you through "Sparky Malarkey". I tried "Sims 2", but it was too much for my computer to handle. I do have the original Sims with most of the expansion packs. You're right, they don't start you off with enough money to create a fashionable household. That's when the cheat code comes into action.

Tim said...

What!? You mean you haven't got the Desperate Housewives video game!?

Lee, I'm disappointed in you. And so is the little pixelated Bree Van Der Camp somewhere in cyberspace. Look - you can just picture her now, with a glass of wine in one hand and a pump action shotgun in the other!

Qenny said...

I take my hat off to the folks what created The Sims for making everyone inherently bisexual. Ah, the sense of achievement I felt when I got my little avatar finally to make that liquid splashy noise as the loveheart appeared above him and my virtual Lovely Husband™ and they shuffled together in an awkward yet touching manner.

To my chagrin, my local branch of Game don't seem to carry the "Close-up Bum-fun Expansion Pack", so holding hands was as far as they got.

Bob said...

Heal's has gorgeous things? Which Heal's ... I was in the Totty Ct one the ohter day and was all 'blech'.

Mr J said...

Darling, when you figure it out, please let me know. I've been stuck in a Beckingham style palace with my lovely boy and our cat for 6 months, trying to get a gaggle of gays next door to come over for an orgy. Everytime I try, the kitchen seems to light on fire.

The up side of that scenario, howevr, is there's always the firemen....

aumojo said...

Bwahahaha! It's nice to know I'm not alone.

I did precisely that too, found the money cheat and then proceeded to fill the coffers to allow for incessant and neverending remodelling and decoration.

The cheat to remove the pixellated nudity also adds to the games attraction. Although give me the real thing anytime.

No Shit Sherlock said...

Ooh, did you know you can make it create more bucks per bang by typing 'rosebud;!;!;!;!;' I think.
If my computron was less cranky I might try to find out. Oh well...

M@tt said...

Yes I too couldn't be bothered with building something from nothing and resorted to numerous cheats to build my dream house. Then filled it with my dream men and reveled in seeing them bitch fight over me...why can't life be this fantastic huh?

Spike said...

What Adam said. We want access to your keyhole.

Tickersoid said...

I guess the hetro' equivolent is just crashing cars in GTA rather than playing the game.

Liz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
A said...

I tend to go for beautifully minimalist homes, all sparkly and nice, hire a maid to keep it clean and shag as many boys as possible. Art imitating life?