Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Faster, Smarter, More Common

Joy upon joys, they're apparently bringing 'The Bionic Woman' back! Do you know what this means? Oh yes! More Jamie Summers dolls to 'confuse' young boys!

Did you know that they didn't want to call the original show 'The Six Million Dollar Woman' because it apparently made her sound like a prostitute? Good lord, if you consider back in the Seventies that's a whole lot of moolah for a little bit of lady-plunging. Even these days, would you spend that much on getting a bit of action with Lindsay Wagner?

Well, no because a) she's like royalty to us, b) her snatch would be like a busy mother's leather holdall, and c) we're all gay and the mere idea of waving our wands over any wizard's sleeve is enough to make us clutch our foreheads and swoon, only to be revived by a quick marathon of 'Designing Women' and a low-carb grain bar. So it's a daft notion in the first place.

Now, while this looks like a complete sham from the actress's agent, this new bionic heroine (probably worth six billion by now) comes from our own fair shores of the UK where she's best known for a role in long-time depressing soap 'EastEnders'. It's one of those poorly-acted drama where there are far too many kitchen products are on display and all the actors are seemingly on barbiturates. You know, one of those roles that Sally Fields just loves to play in a dowdy cardigan.

Here's a shot of the new girl, Michelle Ryan. Doesn't she look sweet?

We wish Michelle all the best of luck, but we have to ask: over six billion dollars are going to be spent on you. Make sure they fix that enormous forehead of yours. Cause if they don't and the show starts flagging mid-season, it's the first place the network are going to sell advertising space.


Tim said...

Hell, and can they sort out her voice, too?

I hope Lindsey Wagner gets a cameo as her bionic granny. Or maybe steam-driven granny. That would be awesome.

mr null said...

SO - I just can't wait for the episode when she meets her family and shouts.. "Yoo ain't my muvver!".. etc etc. I gotta say - she really is a fu**ing pig..

Qenny said...

And if they have any sense at all, Tefal will be the first out the traps when it comes to securing that prime advertising space.

I Love London... Honest! said...

It's Jaime. Tut. Black mark on your GayCard.

AndyT13 said...

Now, now...we all know that if that 6 million dollars is going to be spent on anything these days it'll be her rack.

Cleavage. Boobs. Titties. Breasts. Goodness, I could say those words all day! Sorry! Terrible sorry! Woot!

Actually their quite nice as is.
Why a perfectly lovely woman would ever feel the need to replace her God given lovliness with a pair of hideous basketballs is beyond me.

OK, first rule of holes: when you're in one stop digging. Right. I'm off.

AndyT13 said...

Gads. "They're" I mean. They're quite lovely. Does being embarrased by my own typos make me gay? It does, doesn't it? Meh.

Spike said...

Was the Bionic Woamn the one with the invisible plane because the budget didn't run to a cardboard one?