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Friday, February 09, 2007

Sofas in Heaven

Poor Anna-Anna-Anna-Nicole. She was so outrageous.

Almost all of these celebrities who are famous-for-just-being-famous get my back up; in fact, you can almost hear Paris Hilton plotting some bizarre health scare because she's been out of the headlines today because of this. But Anna-Nicole, for some reason, I had a bit of a soft spot for.

I only knew her through watching her TV show, which was, as far as I can see, a 26-part testament to how difficult it is to buy the perfect throw cushions so of course I am going to relate. And there's the sleeping with an old man for money. What? Me? Oh yes. Just the once, but I didn't have the correct change for the parking meter and it just seemed so much easier than nipping in a shop and buying a Twix.

The thing is, with that TV show, it's fairly easy to make anyone look good in an edit. So either they'd got the teaboy to chop it all together, or Dame Anna actually was that monged out. Probably on three-hundred weight of ant poison she'd just sniffed up after someone put it in a line by the back door. If that was the case, I think when she passed, it was peacefully as she won't have felt anything since 1986 at that rate. I hear that the judge wants the body preserved for a proper autopsy; frankly they'd better do it fast as I hear there are a few Columbians who may want to get hold of it. They could have two years off if they managed to empty out that cadaver. Go to the beach, make a few sit-coms. That sort of thing.

I only hope they give her a send-off she deserves. Leopard skin should be de rigor. People should be off their faces. Some woman with huge funbags should spray the crowd with champagne before falling flat on her arse, cackling like a witch. She was a good time girl, and we do like those.

Anna-Nicole, we salute you.

7 comments:

EmmaK said...

Yeah, I agree, I like her more than Paris. I guess because she didn't really fancy herself and realized her huge mammary glands were her passport to fame and she was happy to ride the gravy train stoned out of her tree. Anna Nicole RIP.

Anon Dirty said...

The billionaire's son will help throw this party you speak of.

Snooze said...

I like this eulogy to Anna Nicole. Add me in to people who prefer her to that moron Paris.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Heavens no!

I really must make at least the tiniest attempt to read/listen/watch the news.

I liked Anna Nicole, too. From a distance, mind. Wouldn't want her to pop 'round unannounced. I'll have to be careful next time I'm in 'The Other Place', lest we have an encounter.

Lawks!

Qenny said...

I managed to avoid knowing much about Anna-Nicole. I find it less easy to avoid knowing things about Ms Hilton, and so I can't help but think how much nicer it would have been for her to come a cropper instead. Especially after seeing how she led the nice former Mrs Federline astray.

Spike said...

What Snooze said.

Quenny, Girl-Paris lead Sarah Michelle Gellar up her garden path? Who'd've thunk it. I thought SMG was a screaming gibbering homophobe.

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