Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Charity Begins At Homo

If someone had told me six months ago that premiere mary-worshipped girl-groups The Sugababes and Girls Aloud were to combine to create a supergroup I would have exploded. Literally exploded. Well, happens as that someone did tell me, and I didn't believe them, else you'd have been picking glittering bits of homosexual out of your Cheerios come chilly October morning.

We Gentlemen Who Can't Catch are a sucker for a team-up. For when Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer teamed up, there was a camp sonic boom that we're still discovering the after effects of. It's like it had a Gay Half-Life. In Minnesota alone birth-rates of Gentlemen Who Moisturise are up 110%, and is it a coincidence that most of them have hooked noses and need relaxer on their hair in order to do a thing with it? Even over the pond in the UK, why do new members to our ranks - as soon as they burst out of the closet - start to crave bagels with jambalaya on it?

So the latest generation of Gentlemen Who Watch Star Trek Voyager Purely For Captain Janeway were most interested in what would happen when these two Goliaths of pop got together, if only because the fall-out could include a craving for cheap Top Shop clothing and bitch-slapping lippy toilet attendants. But lets speak of the song! What we have is the Girls and the 'Babes, fused together in synthed heaven, covering 'Walk This Way'. Is it a good thing? Do several hundred iPods hum to the tune down Old Compton Street tonight?

Well, maybe. You see, it's delectably average; we're doing what the British do best - mediocrity! The arrangement is passable, the vocals there. The most notable thing is the newest member in the ever-changing line-up of the Sugababes (the one that looks a bit like a Thai ladyboy from some angles) puts her cards firmly on the table in the middle eight and pronounces dance 'darnce'. I think I approve... Although I feel somewhat churlish criticising it - it's a charity single after all. You should all go out and buy it. Though do it from iTunes so you don't have to look at the hideous cover in your CD collection. A word to the the designer: never use Courier in anything because it looks like you forgot to link your fonts.

So I bought it anyway. It's for charity, innit? And now I feel good. Like I've been living on mung beans and faretrade tea for a week. So pure that it was almost like I can walk on water or adopt an African child. No it's true. I'm a veritable UN Ambassador for Gay Goodwill. Though I do have a question about that - who told Angelina if you buy one of each colour, you get your fourth one free..?

Now. If only we can get together En Vogue and nSync to do a charity single for Britney, everything will be right in the world.


Miss Mish said...

So Aerosmith and RUN DMC weren't bad enough the first time round?
But I'd like to see Dolly and Alice Cooper duet together. Apart from the fact that it would keep a family of wig makers and make-up artists in work for a month or two, I've always wondered why anyone hasn't chopped her head off.

I Love London... Honest! said...

Please say, PLEASE, that you've spotted in the promo that the Babes and the Aloud aren't even in the same building at the same time?

Gaymosexual said...

Darling you never believe anything I say. If only you had lsitened to me when I told you that even YOU can't pull off stiletto's with hotpants in February.

Anon Dirty said...

I never realised the reason I watched Voyager was for Janeway. Now that you've pointed it out, I feel slightly violated.

I'm not sure why.

I think I like it too.

Howard said...

I guess it goes to show you - EVEN YOU - can have too much of a good thing, eh?

Owen Blacker said...

Oh, I dunno, I quite liked Harry Kim, myself.

Though I'm so glad I'm not the only person who thinks that about Courier :o)

Gonzo said...

Despite not liking the song, I loved your critical review.
Especially the note on Amele Berrabah (the "new" Babe) and Angelina...
You are to me what Ricky Gervais is to Madonna: a genius!