Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Fairytale

I bet, like me, you've always wanted a fairytale wedding.

You know, to walk up the isle to your very own Prince Charming, sniggering when they say 'Do you take this man' and wondering who's got the bigger hat: me or my mother. (I'm aiming for something so large planes could make emergency landings on it.) Well now you can, completely sanctioned by that frozen head, Mr Disney!

Now, this isn't the first time ol' Walt has dabbled in the idealistic '2.4 children' nuclear family: did you know just outside his Magic Kingdom was a little village created for families? Not just any families; no, the beautiful, blond-haired... shall we say 'Aryan' people. Probably with 'certain beliefs'.

Which is all rather silly when you consider anyone who willingly works in a place where the centre is a giant pink castle is certainly going to be a little fruity, much to the chagrin of Walt's views, I'm sure. Oh yes, across the world, in Disney Stores from coast to coast, he probably little realised that any 'cast member' who wished to work in his shops who is male and above a certain age, the chances are whatever is encased in that turquoise cardigan is a fully-paid-up, card-carrying cock jockey. Surely as unfortunate as any of Naomi Campbell assistants coming into work with a target logo on their t-shirt, yes?

They're a funny breed too. I don't trust anyone who knows all of Princess Jasmine's lines. Costumes, yes. Lines, no. in fact, out evil best friend Declan - I'm sure he won't mind us telling you this - he had a few dalliances with a 'cast member' from Leicester's store many years back. Despite our long-standing opinion that you 'Shouldn't Do Staff', a young Declan was swept off his feet with a chorus of 'A Whole New World' and that was that for a week. Didn't see him out at all. Just had an Ariel 'Do Not Disturb' sign on his bedroom door. He said that he took off his Tinkerbell socks while he was ploughing him a new one, but his eyes said otherwise.

I'm going to pass at Mr Disney's generous offer of dressing me in more taffeta than a Bette Midler TV Special. I'm going to go with the other offer the boy made. So Vegas it is. The boy says he's going to dress up like a lady stripper.

So I'm going as the pole. Woof!

6 comments:

Adam said...

i want to agree with you, but part of me is hankering for a pirates of the carribbean themed wedding...

Qenny said...

I can't picture you in traditional Polish national costume ...

As one of them new-fangled marriedgays (two years next month), I can recommend kilts very highly. The traditional way to wear them makes for a fumble-free transition from the romance of The Big Day to the rough and tumble of The First Night.

Gonzo said...

Whatever you wear, be very very happy!
All the best
xx

AndyT13 said...

"a mimsy like a bulldog eating porridge"

Thank you. Thanks for that image, that's just...special. :-)

Have a lovely weekend dear and thanks for the laughs as always.

Why don't you write me anymore?
Once upon a time you even offered to DO me for heaven's sake!

Jilted...

Ms C Qrisp said...

Is this your way of telling us that you're headed to the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise longue?

Gaymosexual said...

I have a horrible confession to make...

I WAS a Disney 'Cast Member' once. Oh the shame, but the FILTH we got up to backstage at "Beauty and the Beast"

It is the only time I can honestly say I have been spanked by a clock and groped by a piece of cutlery/