Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


God bless the virtual nature of this blogging business. If we conducted these little monologues face-to-face you'd be peering at me closely; looking for the fear in my eyes. Recently, Lee has blogged about Arthur C Clarke's fondness for foreskins, how Disney had a thing for blonds, and rimming. I'm not sure why I agreed to step into his shoes for the week.

Nevertheless - here we all are.

I'm very mild in general and not well disposed to controversy. Immediately after work today, in fact when I should have been writing this, I went for a pint with a friend. I amused him with an intolerant rant which is apparently out of character. But not today. No: today I am channeling fury. The sort of fury that emerges from the wrong end of a bank holiday weekend when your boiler gives up the ghost leaving you with no hot water.

So who's been pissing me off today? Well, it goes without saying - Sir Patrick Moore. I'm surprised he has such a rich appreciation of the night sky with his head rammed so firmly up his ample behind. He thinks TV has gone downhill because it's run by women. Is it? Really? I think there should be one wavelength for women, he mumbles as his monocle glints maniacally, AND ONE WAVELENGTH FOR US!!! By 'us' I presume he means bigotted old farts. Does he realise how tedious he is on The Sky At Night? I mean - how to suck the joy and wonder out of space... get some silly old tosser in a pin stripe suit to gabble about it incoherently. I once saw him recording an episode of Room 101 (a BBC TV series where a celebrity nominates hated things - he chose women - to be locked away forever). During a break in recording he asked who was on next week and Paul Merton said Johnny Vegas. There was a murmur of diappointment from the audience. They would rather have seen Johnny Vegas. Think on that, Patrick Moore.

Next up - Pipex. Over the months and years I have been vaguely aware that I could get cheaper internet access, but I stuck with Pipex because They'd Never Given Me Any Trouble. I got home tonight to find a letter saying that I might be aware that they hadn't been billing me properly and that they were going to debit my account by £93-76 on - or around (I love the accuracy) - the 15th. I'm going to phone the fuckers tomorrow and tell them where to go.

Ah - better now.

I apologise for using this blog just to get things off my chest - but it's healthy. If you're inclined to leave a comment, why not tell everyone what pissed you off today? Go on - don't hold back.


Leonie said...

Welcome, Dicky!

Very sad about Moore - I quite liked him till reading that today. Growl.

On a similar note, that bloody awful Harry Enfield/Paul Whitehouse show is getting right on my nerves at the moment - am I the only person to notice it's incredibly misogynistic? Do they both hate women?? All the female characters are obsessed with chocolate (mildly funny the first time, irritating and insulting every time since), irredeemably stupid (the I Saw You Coming sketches) or...Madonna.


Spike said...

Bloody milk turned to yoghurt. It's a day past it's use-by but still.

Qenny said...

Perhaps Sir Patrick "Less Is" Moore should shack up with Sir James Saville, another famously woman-hating twat.

Betty DeStructor said...

You get 'em Dicky.

Further to the whole Patrick Moore thing, and Qenny's comment, look at the pair of them! They're pathetic really. Mind you, working as a PA to similar 'Old Boys' is slowly dissolving my tolerance... Send 'em my way. I'll show them what it means to truly hate a woman...

Time for a cup of tea and some prozac... Thanks Dicky, I feel better now ;)

The Pirate Queen said...

Today, nothing has pissed me off.
I have been passed out on the sofa with a bottle of cough medicine.
But, a few days ago, I was pissed off about Patrick Moore.

Tim said...

Lee would undoubtedly be outraged by Patrick Moore's comments - he made a thinly veiled attack against Captain Janeway!

(Patrick Moore, that is, not Lee)

Hello Dicky!

Nick said...

Yeah I saw Patrick Moore's comment about how he turned off Star Trek because they made women commanders... he knows Janeway would have just fixed him with that glare, hands on her hips, hair in a bun so tight it was in danger of pulling her face off, and walked all over him.

As for what's pissing me off today - I've got a really annoying little mouth ulcer on the inside of my lip, and a hot gentleman expecting me to do the wild thing on Friday night... the two aren't really compatible.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ooh, hello again Dicky (you have done this before haven't you, or is my memory playing up again?).

I used to like Patrick Moore, too, but seeing as how I haven't seen or heard from him in ages, I'm quite happy to jump on the bandwagon and mildly detest him too.

Can I have two 'too's in the same sentence?

Actually, that's what's annoyed me today - Not knowing about two too's.

Peach said...

Would have loved to have seen the Patrick Moore thing, I used to find him hilarious, in fact, whenever too mnay drugs or too much insane thinking occurred in my life, friends and I would say, hey, we're ok, look at Patrick Moore (as a comparison) - so it's a shame he's a twat after all..

things today that have pissed me off are: ORANGE, and not their customer services, for once, who have spent, not kidding, 2.5 hours with me trying to sort out a fookin large bill that I don't owe and work out in fact they owe ME money, £108.26 in fact. Did sort it, but who wants to be in on a Thursday night doing that?


off for a beer or seventy


Dicky said...

Ooh, hello again Dicky (you have done this before haven't you, or is my memory playing up again?).

I have, yes. Last summer, when the world was a much, much better place. I should have had a previously on 'Glitter For Brains' re-cap.

More later today, with any luck. xxx

Gonzo said...

It pisses me off that this blog is ran by two hot men with great minds - apparently taken...
That and Sandra Bullock.

Spaceminx said...

A bit late to the fray I know but this weekend I was mostly pissed off at a 23 year old male 'friend' who thought it'd be ok to invite a 16 year old boy to our gathering in the local pub. As well as being a bit of an irritant he told us he'd lied to his parents about where he was and then didn't want to go home at 9pm as he'd agreed and kept asking us if he could stay with us overnight.

I'm not a mother. I don't want to be one. I really, really resent having to act like one when all I want to do is get drunk and have a laugh with my mates.

And breathe...