Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Oh Give Me A Home...

Now the Boy's installed in his glamorous Shepherd's Bush pad away from his interfering ex, I've been able to stay over. And thusly steal his clothes. And hence why I'm sitting in this meeting in a 'I Ate Buffalo in Cody Wyo.' t-shirt. I don't know where he came across said garment, or whether he has indeed eaten bovine fare in one of the square states. I certainly haven't. If we want to be more along the lines of the truth, it should read 'I Sucked Off A Builder on Borough High Street' cause I'm class like that, and would do a marvellous job around the stitching on 'off'. As we all know, 'o's are very difficult to embroider.

But yes, I'm so the original Facebook: been poked by strangers from across the globe since 1978. It's how I put myself through university after all - known to one and all as the lovable harlot. "Buy a girl a drink, sailor?" was the cry that proceeded me in my university halls, and while I'm asked whether it worked often (it did) it secured by love of seamen from there on in. These days I blame my mother for sitting me down and saying 'Why Lee, if you ever have a sore throat, suck on a Fisherman's Friend'. She also followed it up with 'And don't drink from the green bottles in the kitchen, they're mommie's medicine. For when she wants to feel tired and emotional..." Oh the happy hours we used to have when she let me put her make-up on for her... Well, in reality she'd passed out in front of Nationwide and snoring like a wart-hog and left her Rimmel out, but I considered it to be classic mother-son relationship building. My favourite was when she'd opened the door to the Littlewoods Pools man after I'd worked my magic, and he thought he was being attacked by a zombie clown. Oh happy days.

Have a nice weekend, people.

4 comments:

Tim said...

So… you used your mother as a living breathing, admittedly unconscious Girl's World?

Stepfordtart said...

Hi Lee! I finally got a blogspot blog and its all because of you! Im sick of not being able to comment on your always fabulous posts. Can you get me one of those 'Borough High Street' t-shirts? Im pretty sure it wasnt the same builder but, hey, a club is a club! s x

Qenny said...

Borough High Street? During the day? Cool. Was it performance art? Did passers-by throw money?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Touch of Sparkle by Poor Homme is brewed here in Norfolk. Just down the road, in fact.

It works wonders as a lesbian deterrant, drain unblocker and zombie clown nullifier.