Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007


I suppose, living in London, it was only a matter of time before I was involved in a terror alert.

Now we're no stranger to explosions, unfortunately. We've had the capital bombed from underneath us for almost a century now - the very genesis of our Blitz Spirit. We've had the wars, the IRA and now Al-Qaeda and its affiliates, London is basically like Kim Catrall's bedroom: there's only a brief period in the fifties where there wasn't any bangs. And that was because I hear she got the clap.

Anyway, Saturday morning, just as we were passing a generic white van, a troop of police screeched up in two vehicles, slamming the side door open and yelling "Put your hands on the wheel! KEEP THEM WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!" to the occupant. We turned in surprise to find an armed policewoman right in our personal space shouting "Move! Move! Move!"

Well I thought, clutching my pearls, I barely take orders at the best of times and certainly not from anyone who's a stranger to Mr. Foundation. Besides, I was brought up knowing 'a gentleman should walk and never run' so if the van had have gone up, at least my dignity would have been intact - if not my body.

Fortunately, we were out of the danger area by the time we turned to take a look at what was going on - just as a very Essex pair of girls went wandering by us, straight towards the melee. And this pretty much sums the British up; one turned to the other and said "Oh look Ange, they've got machine guns."

And then she sighed and said, "I suppose we'd better cross over then."


Qenny said...

I've just very relieved that you didn't have an iPod earphone wire dangling out of your Hermes clutch, sweetheart. We only ever want to hear of you being shot on by a policeman.

Miss Mish said...

Oh I love these marvellous worrying times! Whenever I visit London these days, I always pack my best negligee and sparkly mules in case of the emergency evacuation of my hotel. I mean there's simply no excuse for not reaching for the lippy when being forced by a fireman is there?

mainja said...

ah, yes, boredom with terrorism. laise-faire is a decent approach, it kind of takes the wind out of the sails of the act.

it suddenly becomes 'yes-yes-been-there-done-that-ism' because the terror is gone.

that said, i'm very glad you're okay. what would we do without you!?!?

isobel kelly said...

oh that really is fantastic. if it had been america them girls would have run away screaming and sobbing and have sold their story to larry king live within minutes.


Stuart said...

just think yourself lucky you dont live in America. That policewomen would be some S.W.A.T team member who would of just shot you dead just for walking past the van rather than ask you to move out the way!