Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Red Rag

Oh how I miss the comedy prat-fall stylings of Sandra Bullock.

I recall a heavenly golden time when she was in every summer blockbuster; remember she graced us in 'Demolition Man'? I'd completely forgot! In fact, you couldn't move for her endearingly kooky gurning every summer break - and where is she now? All she seems to make is a lot of films involving her clutching the cuffs of a bulky sweater in her palms and staring wistfully out of a rain-soaked window. This, clearly, isn't right.

No, while she's off bothering ghosts in cable-knit, her absence means we have Adam Sandler being the one that brings in the $100 million dollar movie. A shocking turn of events I'm sure you'll agree.

Though I do have a confession to make: him on the cover of 'The Longest Yard'? I so would. And before I realised what a buffoon he was, when he flashed his arse in 'Airheads', it somewhat addled my young teenage mind. I'd never seen a derriere so... excruciatingly biteable before. It was idyllic. A peach of a posterior. I spent many an hour thinking about it in my bedroom - to which my teenage sheets ended up looking like Jackson Pollack had been sketching his latest work on them in egg white.

My nostalgia was stirred by the Boy showing me Miss Congeniality - yes, yes, I know I'm a bad gay for not seeing it til now. The problem is that there's so much culture for we Gentlemen Who Hum Showtunes In The Shower that some of it is bound to get mislaid down the backs of our exquisite sofas. Oh yes, back in the day we barely had any televisual culture of a pink ilk, bar a few repeats of Falcon Crest and 'Now Voyager' on video, whereas these days it's wall-to-wall. There's barely enough time in the day to watch all the Ugly Bettys, Housewives and hilarious adverts for Cannestan (have you seen? There's no bones about them these days: "This cream is smeared on my flaming drip-tray, this tablet I take to give me a slight buzz!")

Perhaps we need Dame Bullock to do a Cannestan advert, get her back on form. Then she could point at her enraged area, trip over a dog and prat-fall into a trash can, all while under the gaze of some fella she was giving doe-eyes to in the first reel.

You get the tickets - I'll get the popcorn.


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DVD Extra!

The Gentlemen at Modern Fabulosity wanted to interview me. Which was really sweet of them. Do go and check it out here if you want to pass a bit more time between getting the tea and watching EastEnders.

3 comments:

isobel kelly said...

oh, surely you must be slightly glad to see the back of sandra bullock? i consider her to be on the same shit-pile of hundreds of other romantic comedy staples headed by meg ryan (has she ever actually done anythng of any meaning before?). sure, we may miss sandra's slapstick physical comedy, but hey, thats what cameron diaz and drew barrymore are for.

xx

Neep said...

Ah, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. I was gutted when my dad taped over my copy of Speed.

I loved Demolition Man... my flatmates and I still reach for the one with the seashell print whenever we buy toilet paper. I don't think I will ever let that go.

Lippy said...

Gosh - you're even famouser than ever!! And "Advertising Gertie" has got to be either the title for your next novel or a hit west end show.