Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

An Egyptian Doorbell Goes Toot And Come In

I really don't know what all the fuss about the opening of Tutankhamun's tomb to the public so you can see his face. For Cher's sake, you want to look at a 3000 year old mummified face, Keith Richards will be touring in your area at some point. Hahahaa, oh me. Ahem. Anyway.

Most celebrities are mad, we take that as written. But every now and again they do excel themselves, like Dame Lindsey Lohan. We're giving her an honorific Gentlemen Who Read Cookery Tips damehood for her services to men across the globe; it seems she can't go fifteen minutes without sucking someone's cock. I'd like to think some medical wag told her she was protein deficient and if she didn't swallow two gallon of Finest White Sauce every two days, she'd just drop down dead. I tell you, the contents of her stomach must look like the contents of a spittoon in a gay sauna sloshing around in there. Her intestines must look like macaroni cheese.

Anyway, according to this she met a human magnet on Facebook of all places and plans to fly him over to LA to teach her how its done. Are you as confused as I am? This is Lindsey Lohan, nothing is without a base reason. There was probably a time when she couldn't find a corkscrew and thought "Wow! If I could just get one to fly to me when I wanted it!" and this is where we are now. The problem is that if she continues to lay men end to end in the way she did, some of them are bound to have metal cock-rings on and before you know it - swoop! - she's got three tonne of clinker up her engorged lady grotto. Whenever she goes through airport customs, they're going to think she's the Bionic Woman or something. 'Robo-Clopper', that's what we'll call her.

Another story that caught my fey attentions is that a man in India married a bitch to beat a curse for being cruel to a previous dog.

And before you ask, this story is not about Paul McCartney.

Da-boom-tish! I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waitress!

4 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Robo-Clopper!

* titters all ladylike *

And it has the added advantage of supressing the horror that is The Spice Hags Do Tesco.

Anon Dirty said...

Her intestines must look like macaroni cheese.

That's just wrong. I thought it funny until a split second later when my mind pictured it.

Qenny said...

I went to the trouble to follow the link and read the absurd human magnet article.

The actress met Romanian Aurel Raileanu on Facebook and plans to fly him to LA to teach her to make objects stick to her body.

I would have thought a fresh white stain would be sufficient in most cases.

The thing also claims that he broke the Guinness World Record for the most powerful human magnet after lifting a 50 pound television. There is no Guinness World Record for such a feat. Anyone who could do such a thing, if they had any sense, would be straight round James Randi's gaff to claim $1,000,000 off him.

Keyser Soze said...

Lee, darling, you've just got to have a look at this:

http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2007/11/sarah-harding-has-a-nipple.html

We never hear about Girls Aloud here in the states so this is NEWS I tell you! Or what passes for it here anyway. Cheers!

Keyser Soze
AKA
A N D Y T 1 3