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Monday, December 10, 2007

Deck the Bowels

Once again I find myself full of the festive spirit. If festive spirit is Creme de Cassis, natch.

Well, I mean I always feel festive festive, but at least there's a reason to be with my tree up in the next room. Always have a star on the top - there's no need to for a fairy when there's two screaming queens dancing about in front of it, cooing like Brit Ekland in front of a burning wicker man.

We do tend to go a bit overboard with the ol' tinsel, we do. I used to know a gentleman who go the whole hog with his holiday decorations, and there wasn't an inch that wasn't lined with fairy lights and glitter come the start of December. He used to go as far as tinseling his sex toys! Well, you know there's always one show-off who has them on display in their bedroom to show the length and breadth they can get up their O-Ring? Honestly, these things were huge! Standing there like bedecked traffic bollards on his inherited sideboard.

He soon learnt his lesson though: he was running late one morning and grabbed the first butt-plug he saw. He only realised it was coated with glitter when he ran for the bus and caused himself serious internal injury. Well it's like gravel, that stuff! Though the most amusing thing about the whole incident was when he was patched up he was still suffering the... after-effects for a week afterwards. Not putting too fine a point on it, whenever he farted his gusset filled up with so much shit and glitter they looked like a Mariah Carey album cover.

2 comments:

Louise said...

Lee...
I believe this link is only appropriate to your post:

http://www.dlisted.com/node/19713

Glittery poops!

Lee said...

Thank you, darling! :D