Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

There And Back Again

I see, he said fixing his half-rims to the end of his nose, that scientists have been experimenting with homosexuality. And for once I don't mean someone tried out 'Get her!' when their colleague was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Over on the Fox News site, they've announced that scientists have made flies gay then straight again. Clearly they're happy about this on that right-wing site, as it implies that they've found a 'cure' for all the Gentlemen Who Moisturise in future generations. Yeah yeah, but who'll measure your curtains, hm? Think on.

Hold up, the article says they're fruit flies. Oh well! That explains it all. I always imagine fruit flies to be those chi-chi little Spanish of the fly world - you know, the ones with the crop tops and unconvincing Tom Selleck mustaches who click their fingers together a lot and all want a guest role on 'Ugly Betty'. I mean, we're all familiar of the fair-weather dabbler are we not? I myself have had a dalliance or two with married men - there's something so wonderfully innocent about the slightly awkward way they phone their wife to say they're not coming home while you're plumping your pillows and opening the champagne with your teeth. Oh yes, my boudoir's been quite a little honey trap in its time, let me tell you. I've managed to find enough discarded wedding rings on my sideboard to smelt down into a solid gold Hazel Dean. And not a scale model either.

Whereas butterflies - no-one would have been the slightest bit surprised if they'd been on the Fabulous Bus all along, flapping drag acts that they are. They're the Tom Cruise/Jodie Foster of the insect world. In fact as I've been writing this, old Foster's finally bit the muff-bullet and announced that its ladies she likes down in her hairy snackitaria. Hurray for you dear. You're only 15 years late for your own party, darling.

Now this experimentation on flies, it makes me a little uncomfortable naturally. I have a litmus test for things like this: replace the word 'gay' with 'black' or 'jew' and see whether it makes you wince. Thusly, forgive me the use of this word, but you'll see what I'm getting at when the headline becomes 'Scientists Make Flies Niggers, Then White Again'. Make you squirm? Yeah, me too. And yet people are going to carry on with this 'gay testing'.

And call me old fashioned, I really don't think that's on.

8 comments:

Ian said...

Well I was with you until you used the "N" word instead of "black". Surely the problem would be if the word "queer" instead of "gay" had been used (although these days with so much "reclaiming of words that insult to reduce their power" I'm not sure I can keep track).

So is "gay" still considered the polite word for 'those who moisturise' or is it now impolite given Moyles and other media (including 'Friday night lights' - shame on you!) attempts to use it to mean 'lame' or 'weak'.

This comment is way too serious, but you started it :-P

Mark said...

Hehe, I like how they call it an 'alteration' in a gene instead of a difference... as if the straighty gene obviously came first. Of course it didn't. If God isn't gay, why are there pansies?

Hmmm, a way to turn someone gay and straight again... think of the possibilities. You could make millions selling it to housewives. Whenever you want the house cleaned or a chat without the inevitable smelly beer sex... you can just pop a few ccs of it into his bloodstream. Problem solved... for a few hours he'll be doing the ironing, making quiche and talking about Dolly's latest boobies. Marvellous.

Stuart said...

ekk, you used the 'N' word - I can picture the burning effigies now! "This is big brother, would lee please come to the diary room!"

Still, i totally agree with you on the testing thing... i does seem pretty wrong to be even doing such a thing!

Lee said...

Damn good points, all of you.

Rick Andreoli said...

Not long ago there were similar concerns about testing fetuses to see if the baby would be born retarded. You know, abort the kid if you don't want to deal with the mess.

This always made me go one step further if the doctors could easily pinpoint a gay gene. Wouldn't a right-wing family think it better to abort since a gay couldn't be fixed? (Of course, that brings up the messy issues of one being born gay versus having a domineering mother or some such corrupting influence.) Do you suppose God would forgive a right-winger for aborting a faggot child?

This now presents a new possibility. Pro-child, curable gay. I'm horrified either way.

Lippy said...

This is one of those scientific experiments that just makes me think "christ on a bike haven't you get anything else to do?!" - shouldn't you be off curing cancer, or malaria, or even measles?????...or ooh, I wonder if there is a bigotry gene, I bet there is...you get so much more of it where there isn't much immigration and a lot more inbreeding.

Maybe they should isolate some bible belt fruit flies and see if they can find it. Oh wait, bible belt fruit flies, that means they are already isolated.

Spike said...

What Lippy said. Why the fuck aren't they working on a cure for Right Wing Wankers Disease?

Orchis said...

Does this mean there's a possibility all those fanciable straight men would be available sober as well as drunk ?