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Thursday, January 03, 2008

The Glitter for Brains Review of the Year Part I

Hello darling viewers, welcome to 2008, and you join us in the middle of our review of the year gone! Why not grab that half-empty glass of champagne that Lindsey Lohan's stubbed a doobie out in and we'll get on to the first category!

Most Overrated Piece of Technology
...goes to the iPhone, hands down.

I had the hideous misfortune to be sitting outside an O2 shop this very weekend in a shopping mall, for reasons I'm not willing to go into here, and sat through the iPhone display about three times. Within which, the imaginary user has just come back from a holiday, and responds to a email entitled 'Back From Paradise?' by sending some pictures of their kids on the beach. He (I'm assuming the user is a 'he' here) then trawls through some voicemails from his two friends Susan and Mark, checks a map for a local sushi restaurant, conference calls the two of them, and once the date has been booked in his onboard organizer, then digs up some Macy Gray to play.

'So what?' you may query. But ask yourself this, do you want to be that cunt who does this? Hangs about with his starch-white duo of chums in Yo Sushi, the McDonalds of uncooked tuna? Whom you can guarantee started the conference call with "Hi. Hi Susan. I'm just on my iPhone, let me patch you through to Mark..." What a bollock. A bollock who thinks he's down with it because he's got a couple of Macy tracks on his playlist, when you know he's just aching to stick a bit of ELO on there but is too busy showing all the functions to everyone down the All Bar One and doesn't want to be caught with 'Mr Blue Sky' as his most played just yet. And which dick just sends on pics of his frugy children to whatever twat in Finance writes mails 'Back From Paradise?' anyway? The ones that hang out in Centreparcs, that's who.

So I'm all for the iPhone in principle. But before you sign up for the £900 initial cost of tied-in contracts and network swaps, ask yourself do you really want to be that person? Do you?

No? Good.

4 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Happy New Year!

And may I say: Hooray! Some one else dislikes the iPhone for its twat-enabling capabilities (sorry Tim, but it's true - Don't get one).

Plus, it's not pretty. Not at all.

bob said...

And the battery runs out right quick.

And the touchscreen key pad doesn't work well with my big, thick, manly fingers.

Jo said...

And you can't video that idiot kid wearing heelys in a shopping centre who then crashes into a display.

Stuart said...

the guy who sits next to me in the office got an iphone the other week, and as sexy as it looks - its just not quite up to the 'Jesus Phone' status people have been giving it! if apple were to make it about half the price, and add some standard functionality you would expect to see in phone these then I may be tempted, but for the moment they can stick it where they like!