Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Young Cowboys Never Die

Well. If I had to put a bet on a star dying at the start of the year, I'd have put my ill-earned money on Paris Hilton. Not because I believe she's in any particular danger (bar probably chewing on the cable for her hairdryer like the empty-eyed goat she is) but because whenever I bet on the horses, they are guaranteed to drop at the first hurdle. You can hear the loading of the shotgun as I pore the racing pages, listen to them revving up the glue factory as soon as I buy my chit.

Oh yes, there are celebrities that it was far safer to put your cash on. Poor old Britney. That grubby Winehouse woman. But this way we get rid of Hilton in a more humane manner, because the alternative way I'd have liked to have seen her go was being seen to by 15 well-endowed men wearing condoms the size, shape and texture of a pineapple.

So it was something of a surprise to find that Heath Ledger had passed away last night. I liked me a little bit of Heath. I has a soft spot for him as he, in my eyes, was the first gentleman up Jake Gyllenhaal's dirt track - hopefully the first of many until snaggletoothed Reese Witherspoon got her backward dentures into his fine arse. Heath's character in 'Brokeback Mountain' was entirely symbolic of my relationship-before-last, all unsaid emotions and mumbling - and the worst aging make-up this side of 'Lucky Bitches'. The film itself is one of the few things to get an emotional rise out of me, and I fully intended to watch it this week to help with the emotional 'back-log' I'm suffering from my last break-up. I still haven't had a good cry about it, you know. Nothing like a sweeping visa epic to get the ol' waterworks going, bonus if there's bum-sex.

Its going to be odd to think while you're watching it, "Blimey. He's dead now." Perhaps that will make it even more emotional.

4 comments:

Under construction said...

I really wanted to comment but I don't know what to say.

Kudos on the Hilton killing. Maybe if you set up a paypal thingy it can be arranged...

Stuart said...

yeah, its pretty shite news. Watching the new Batman film is going to be strange!

mainja said...

It's always a bit surreal when someone you don't expect to die dies.

I'll admit, I was a tad weirded out when I read the news...

Tickersoid said...

I'm a fan of Paris but I'd still pay good money to see the 15 'pineapple men' dispatch her.