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Thursday, March 20, 2008

All Sorts of Issues

So I think I have a problem.

Well, several, actually. I violently object to mushrooms and I do have one of the foulest mouths this side of Dame Angela Lansbury; while I was in work the other day I spilt some tomato soup right down my front. To which I happened to say that my t-shirt looked like "some triple-cunted hooker had had her 'Dolmio Day' all down the front", causing me to be dragged into a meeting room by a manager and firmly told off.

Anyway, the problem I'm going to talk about is work. My name's Lee and I'm a workaholic.

I've just come out of a major project I've been working on since October, taking up most my spare time. And in fact for the last month have been locked away in my office cutting out Daleks and Sontarans almost non-stop, only infrequently poking my head out to drag some poor unsuspecting victim into my boudoir like a Black Widow spider. This Sunday it was all finished, and I emerged, blinking, thinking 'I'm free! FREE!' rather like Mel C after the Spice Girls split up. Oh you should have seen me! I was like a whirlwind. I did everything - I had a bath! I went into town! I had a cup of tea! I met a friend! It was like I was in 'Sex And The City', only I wasn't wearing a tu-tu or had a face like an old boot. Much.

And so, I've had a week of freedom - infinite possibilities spreading out before me. London's such a wonderful city, one always feels you should make the most of it. What I have done instead is accept any new projects offered to me. The long weekend? Pfft. There's photoshopping to be done!

In a related matter, I've been re-reading Mark Haddon's 'The Curious Incident With The Dog In the Night Time', a super read about 'an emotionally detached boy' says the write-up. He can't relate to other people, likes making lists, finds the simplest of things offending to his beliefs and doesn't understand sex. Honestly, he could be writing about most the Doctor Who fans I know. But then, saying that, the more I delve into his behaviour, the more I see things that I do mirrored. I have a feeling this willingness to jump back into another large project that saps my life away like a 'Stargate Atlantis' marathon is because I like my time constrained, just like the lead in 'The Curious Incident'. In fact, I've been making a list (!) of all the mad things that I do each day, otherwise some huge and terrible disaster will befall us all:

* Not stepping on the paving cracks, and not walking under road signs.

* Reading my horoscope of a morning. BUT I can't search them out, they have to be left for me somewhere, like a discarded paper on the train.

*Having to clap at the same time as the Scissor Sisters in 'I Don't Feel Like Dancing' (ooh, gay OCD).

* Having to drink a bottle of water before getting on the train on the way into work.

* Thinking listening to the Windows start-up trumpet is 'unlucky' (although I may be on to something there).

* Having my money ready before I get to a till.


* If its the start of a new month, having to say 'White Rabbits' as its lucky.

* Not putting new shoes on the table.

* Not opening an umbrella indoors.

Tell me, dear viewers, I'm not alone in this sort of thing..?


Gaymosexual said...

No Darling it is me too. Mine are...

Putting M&M's into colour piles before eating.

Saluting Magpies.

Touching every poster in my work corridor.

Not entering work until I have seen 10 boys I would do.

going back to check I have locked the door three times.

and lots more...

Mopsy said...


most of the above plus having to listen to the same cd on the way into work each morning.

touching something red and making a wish if I see a post office van (absolute bloody murder if you live near the main sorting office).

refusing to look at the start-up screen on my laptop till it gets to the blue-enter your password bit.

Having a fit if I have to read sections of the paper out of my OCDish order.

Spike said...

Clapping in time to I Don't Feel Like Dancin'.

Sorting the smarties into colour piles before eating.

CyberPete said...

Absolutely not.

I must eat the blue M&Ms last as they are the best. I throw the brown ones away.

Also have to finish listening to a song on my iPod or CD player before turning it off.

Not putting new shoes on the table is a given. Never do that!

Lee said...


Tickersoid said...

I have the opposite of OCD. I don't think it's unlucky to stand in front of a moving car.
It's a wonder I've lived thus far.

Mopsy said...

What about black cats? Lucky if they cross your path if you are British, unlucky if they cross your path if you are Australian.

Lippy said...

I think it's a midland's thing our kid. All the main routes of transport passed us by so we were still new shoe fearng pagans, speaking our own language until about 1976 when people finally learned to get off the M6 at Spaghetti Junction. Yowl be alright bab.

Anonymous said...

I don't talk when going past Monkey Tree's ever since someone told me it was bad luck during the walk of my first day at school... 17years on and I still believe it true!

Kezza said...

I have to wash myself in a particular order in the shower, and I have to do it twice to be sure I'm clean.

I have to press the lock button on my car keys twice.

I cannot wear a T-shirt or jeans unless they have been ironed immedeately before I wear them, even if they've been ironed previously.


When I'm at home my boyfriend has to sleep to my left, but away from home he has to sleep on my right.

oh and everything has to be lined up or grouped, like shoes paired together, magazines on the coffee table grouped, stacked and centered.

There is a lot more too, but that will take too long/make me look too loopy.

Oh Lord, I'm a bit of a sick puppy aren't I? But I'm not alone... You're all crazy motherfuckers too, and I heart you all!


Peach said...

no the water thing I do and I am completely lethargic if I am not rushed off my feet busy

Lee said...

I love you all for sharing. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

I just remembered another one I have. I cant eat a Cadburys Creme Egg before perfectly unwrapping the foil without tearing it. If I tear it during the unwrapping I almost feel like a greedy rapest desperate to get to the good stuff and I feel guilty about eating it!