Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Come With Me If You Want Kicky Bangs

I'm on holiday at the moment (more about that in the next entry) and its giving me more than ample time to catch up with all those TV shows I'm purportedly missing. First up, 'Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles'. Now I must admit I approached this with all the trepidation of Paris Hilton walking towards a poor person, and foresaw nine episodes of manly nonsense with guns. And no original Sarah Connor. For me, Linda Hamilton played such a perfect mad-obsessed-mother-with-just-a-touch-of-foundation-no-lip-gloss that I wasn't that willing to accept this new interloper. Of course, while I'd like Miss Hamilton to play the part, these days she looks like... well, you know when you get an old road map and crumple it up? Then open it out and its just wrinkled and criss-crossed with red and blue lines? That.

And an aside, is she still letting James Cameron shove his willy up her fur-lined meat-sock? I'd wiki it, but I'm far too lazy to do actual research for this blog as I'm sure you all know by now. All I have in my head is their Christmas card each year recreates the soft-focus glory of the 'Beauty and the Beast' publicity shot.

Anyway. The new Sarah Connor, Lena, is different and yet sassy. All feathered bangs and welling up during 'family moments'. My favourite thing about her is she wears skin-tight black leather all day, and when she goes out on a date, she chooses a frumpy gran blouse that looks like a Rorschach test. Because she totally would.

Summer Glau, late of 'Firefly', plays the good terminator, Cameron. Dear old Summer - manly, yes - but we like her. They even write in a sub plot so she can show off some of her ballet, and her monstrously square jaw. She'll be playing the typical Pinocchio character (TM), learning all joys of humanity, which seemingly include make-up, youth language and, uh, ballet. Oddly, these lessons she's learning, she seemed utterly fine with when she first turned up in the pilot - there must be a routine in her brain chip that says

10 IF audience KNOWS you're a ROBOT, then;
20 START ACTING AS WOODEN as NICHOLAS CAGE

The evil terminator is the same, in both his incarnations he's - played by two different actors. One was hot, the the other is a pinched nosed sallow-faced mincer. I won't spoil why they change if you haven't seen it, but what is incredulous is that we're meant to believe that the man he's imitating had plastic surgery to look like a weasel-using-Sun-In. For me, that's more disbelievable than time-travelling robots from the future.

I do have to say a huge thank you to the person in charge of casting, other than the slight blip with old Pinched Faced Killer Robot, as every single man employed to be on this show in a prominent role gets me dripping like a fucked fridge. Andy, the T888... and oh my lord, Reese - my Comedy Housemate had to bonk me on the head with the wand he's taken to carrying just to stop me gnawing the edge of the desk every time he comes on screen. And there's a shower scene with him that they keep using in the 'Previously on...' trails at the beginning of the show... I think I black out during it because I only come round when John Connor pops back up to find I've got marks in my leg from where my nails have dug in.

At the moment, I'm nine episodes in and loving it. It keeps trying to do all the apocalyptic moods of 'The All-New Battlestar Galactica Show', but actually seems more like the first season of 'Alias'. Oh, if only there were more wigs and costume changes - it'd be the best show on telly.

6 comments:

Perry Neeham said...

A bi pedant writes . . . it's a fur framed meat sock rather than a fur lined one.

Stuart said...

OMG! people in my office are now looking at me strangely after I sprayed coffee all over my desk after bursting out laughing at the "...dripping like a fucked fridge" remark. Totally agree with you on all comments made regarding the show... its one of my favourite shows on TV at the moment, and even my mother enjoys it which is rather worrying!

Frank said...

Linda Hamilton and James Cameron divorced YEARS ago. He met some young thing on Titanic, and the rest, as they say, is history. Rather bitter divorce, I think, actually. I can't believe you didn't hear about it!

Lee said...

I don't get out much, Frank. Grin.

Young Thos. said...

Yeah, it's been eight or nine years now. This is Wife Number Five, and the longest marriage he's had.
Ah, ze heterosexuals. So committed.

Frank said...

No, I think it's you don't REMEMBER getting out much, Lee. *wink*