Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Ironman

Thank you all for all the well-wishes for me and the new fella, very kind of you. And the innumerable emails questioning how a raddled old queen like myself can saddle myself a gorgeous man - those too were very... kind. Most of you wanted to know how it was done: well, all you have to do close your eyes and wish real hard, then click your heels together, Dorothy!

Or in my case, click them apart.

Anyway, he's off in Cornwall for a week so I'm having to amuse myself, and the thing that jumps out the most is the new film, 'Ironman'. Now I'm a bit of a comicbook geek at times, but even I think they're scraping the barrel with this one when it comes to famous superheroes. Spider-Man, Hulk and X-Men I do know, but this one seems a bit... well. Lets just say its fitting that they get Robert Downey Jr to play him as no-one would touch him either, but in doing this we're opening the floodgates for all sorts of abuse of the system. How long til we get Winona Ryder as The Phantom Lady, or Vanilla Ice as The Green Lantern? Not soon enough is my answer!

Anyway, I enjoyed the trailer for 'Ironman' despite it being a three-Neoprin event in itself, possibly to counter-act the effect that joy-vacuum star Gwyneth Paltrow has on film. I don't mind her performances, moving wallpaper that they are. What I Take Against it is her and her husband, that sallow-skinned singer from Coldplay, being plastered across the front of newspapers for the week to come as they step out for premieres. Both of them are cheerleaders for the lung-deflatingly bland to such an extent that a duo shot on the front of a paper will send a whole tube carriage into a narcoleptic trance. They were bad enough on their own; put the two of them together and it's like the end of ''Edge of Darkness', only more beige and macrobiotics. It comes to something when the most interesting thing that the accompanying article can say about her is how nice her hair is; that's like writing 'Have a great day..!' in someone's office birthday card because you are as familiar with them as thirsty singer Miss Winehouse is with soap. Although I say kudos, Gwen, as you clearly know this sort of summer blockbuster performance is not about empathy and Method, but luster and bounce.


At this rate, it won't be long before The X-Men's Dazzler gets her own film. Dazzler, for those who don't care, is a roller-booted mutant who can turn any sound into a giddying light show. Oh yes, that's her special power. We'll get a 2 hour CGI epic with great hair, killer dance moves and mirror balls.

Now THAT'S Hollywood!

4 comments:

CyberPete said...

So that was what Catwoman was supposed to be?

Anyway just listened to the new Madge album. Can't wait to hear what you have to say about that

CyberPete said...

YAY first AND second

Gaymosexual said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIChyvsd8Wo

I didn't make that slideshow! I Promise!

Qenny said...

How does one click one's ruby slippers apart? That there's a magic trick all by itself.