Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Last Eight Weeks

Four Days Ago

I necked the cocktail and held onto his arm, almost as if to steady myself.
"I'm thinking of asking you to go out with me," I said.

Six Weeks Ago

I'd was out for coffee with my Favourite Ex Richard. Well, he was drinking the coffee, I was having a hot milk as my allergy to caffeine was currently causing my skin to be as pretty and silky soft as that of thirsty singer Miss Amy Winehouse. Richard went to the bathroom, I fiddled with my mobile and looked around the room and accidentally caught that of a student behind a mountain of books. For the briefest second a look passed between us, before we both self-consciously glanced in the opposite directions.
Richard came back. "Isn't that..?" I began, gesturing unsubtly around the pillar I was now hiding behind to the man sitting there, thinking I was far too 'Alias' than I was.
You see, the look the two of us had shared was one of recognition.

Eight Weeks Ago

I think he'd messaged me first, but I don't have any proof of that. I doubt I'd have done it because I thought he had a fake profile. Thingbox was rife with them for a while - anyone who had a pretty picture attached to it was not to be trusted in my book. And he wasn't just pretty. He was mind-blowingly attractive; dark Irish eyes and a jaw so square you could use it to dig for Britney's dignity.
I replied out of courtesy. His reply was very funny.
Definitely fake, I thought.

Four Weeks Ago

I admit that I had been trying to show off. You know, taxis, cocktails in fancy bars, wearing underwear for once. And I mean the nice stuff, rather than the baggy gray ones that look like the back of Cameron Diaz's legs. But I didn't have a clue whether all this was working, as he seemed to be taking it all in his stride and refusing to be impressed by it all.
In truth, I didn't know whether I should be impressing him as we'd met up as mates, ostensibly going for a coffee. But that had been three hours ago and several glasses of fou-fou'd up alcohol drinks and all my inhibitions were now going for a burton. I mean, come on. He may have been a mate, but he was hot. Like really hot. So I was showing off because even if we were going to just be friends, I could hang around with him in clubs and pick off the debris of his tossed aside rejections like a fey seagull. Win-win, I thought.
After dinner, and plying him with a bottle or two of saké, we staggered up to the top of a car park so I could show him a brilliant view of London. And while we were up there, he kissed me.
"Ah, um, oh," I flustered afterwards, like Hugh Grant in 'Notting Hill' when the DVDs stuck. "Er, ah, oh, er," I added a minute later.
He just grinned that brilliant grin.
"So what should we do now?" I asked, regaining a little more composure.
He carried on grinning.

Two Weeks Ago

"He's what?!" asked my Evil Best Friend Declan over the line.
"He's 22," I said, shifting the telephone receiver in the tea-towel; whenever he called, the handset tended to bleed. And all plant-life in the house died over night.
"Look, I know, I know," I sighed, "He was born in 1985. I can remember 1985. It was all 'Attack of the Cybermen' and nasty waistcoats."
"Some of us insisted that nasty waistcoats also were 1986, '87, '88, '89, '90 and after the summer of day-glow spandex, 1992 too."
There was a drawing of a cigarette somewhere down the line. "Does he make you happy?"
"Oh god yes."
"And you get on?"
"If I wasn't told he was 22, I wouldn't believe it. He's an old soul."
"I'm sorry, I think this line is a little crackly. I hope you said old soul. Well, if he makes you happy, carry on. You have my blessing."
"Thank you," I said wryly.
"You're welcome. But remember, if you two move in together, you'd better make sure the house is in a good schooling system. And there is a playground nearby for him."
"Cock off."
"...and a petting zoo..!"

Four Days Ago

I necked the cocktail and held onto his arm, almost as if to steady myself.
"I'm thinking of asking you to go out with me," I said.
He looked across the table; I still couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"You know what I'd say if you did ask," he said.
"Actually, not a clue" I spluttered.
"Of course I would."
I broke into a grin. Perhaps I could be impressive after all.


mainja said...

awwwww. so sweet!

and, omg, 22?!?!? :P

AdamW72 said...

that's adorable
give me hope if an old soak like you can trap the man meat - then perhaps I can too!

seriously - happy for you both!

Anonymous said...

wow - great post... nicely written with a cute ending! Its giving me hope in my singleton life at least!

Peach said...

Yippitty yip! Don't know how old YOU are, but I was 35 and went out with a 23 year old who is THE BEST BOYFRIEND I HAVE EVER HAD, and although we broke up (nicely) as he's off to Oxford to do a Masters, he's my bestest friend in allllll the world...

Good luck and remember, you are now in Demi's territory, and who can't do better than her eh?


Lee said...

Demi's got thighs I'd kill for!
Thanks, everyone. Cheers for the positive.

Qenny said...


Anon Dirty said...

Brilliant! The story, the tension, the writing.

jgeary27 said...

My Dear Lee --

My hat is off to you: I have so very many good jokes I'd like to make, but it somehow doesn't seem right. It's not that big an age difference, and you deserve some happiness.

Gaah, can't resist. Besides, your goatee is much nicer than Demi Moore's.

Cheers to you

Kezza said...

Thats so fucking sweet, look at you, standing there gushing and blushing you lovestruck bint!

Funny you should mention age differences the other day (and I'm not totally sure why I'm bothering to recount this here) but my man and I worked out the other day that our ages will be the numbers either side of zero on a roulette wheel in a couple of years time, 26 and 32. Now I'd just like to make it clear, I'm not the one with a gambling addiction, but someone in the relationship is.

Anyway, I just think it's funny the age thing has come up twice in two days, anyway thats not important, what truly matters is that you post a photo of this handsome man so that we can all sigh and fawn over the pair of you some more!

Frank said...

Yay! So happy for you, Lee.

Interesting and effective use of nonlinear narrative, BTW.

Perry Neeham said...

Brought a tear to my eye and a lump to my, er, throat.

BTW, nice to see that creative writing course paid off.

Oh God, now I feel bad, that was just bitchy!

Dazskins said...

No wonder you've been so quiet lately... very glad it's for all the right reasons.
And do please hurry and write that book - your story construction is always great, but today's was genius. Something for everyone - drink, the poisonous lush best friend, a 22 yr old and the top of a car park. Fabulous.

The Dolly Bird said...

Excellent narrative, I was giddy with heart palpatations at the end.

I had to lie down, but well done you!

Anonymous said...

Oh! TOP! Yay! and other one word exclamations of surprise and joy. s x

coolbuddha said...

22? Your posting already (too soon?) Sorry - I ain't going to add to the positive. Nor to the negative. But...well. Good luck, and enjoy!