Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

A Black Sheep Was Born

And so, one night, I tried to explain my Evil Best Declan to Ryan, the new fella - who doing a wonderful job in dealing with the innumerable surreal guest stars that pepper my life. I had to warn him about meeting Declan as Dec was making a royal visit to see his friends in London, an event that normally precedes 40 days and nights of rain. My apologies about that, but at least your garden is getting a nice watering.

Clearly Ryan wanted to know why Declan was referred to as my ‘Evil Best Friend’. So I told him this story from his last visit:

Whilst on the tube, Declan joined a carriage and made a bee-line to an empty seat which, it transpired, was being saved by a portly gentleman for his larger wife who had innumerable shopping bags clutched in her pigs trotters. Declan got there first, of course, and took the seat.

The husband took umbrage at this and turned, saying “Excuse me” to Declan in an irate manner. Declan ignored him. He kept repeating it louder and louder, until Declan did a double-take at his comically red face and just mimed “I’m sorry, I’m deaf” (or actually “Ahm soury – ahm deff”) while waving his arms around in an approximation of sign language. The gentleman next to him bought it, and shut up, somewhat embarrassed.

And things would have gone swimmingly if Declan hadn’t then sat back in his seat, got comfy, and put his iPod on.

In the end, Ryan never got a chance to meet Declan. He actually booked a flight home to Ireland that day, though he still refuses to be drawn on whether it was a coincidence.

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