Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

R.I.P. G.A.Y.

I suppose I should mark the passing of 'London's Premiere Gay Club' G.A.Y., which finally closed its doors this weekend, sliding back into the ground like the House of Usher with an offer on alcopops. I've never been a fan of that hideous chicken coop; you go where you fit in, I find. And I never fit in with clientèle who look like they can only attend because they've blown off their homework, standing around trying to look cool despite the TopMan sales rack having exploded over them, and clapping their hands excitedly when Steps come on because they're "so retro!"

Bunch of cunts.

As ever when there's an 'event' to be marked at G.A.Y. - such as the final night - the whispers spread far and wide that a 'super celebrity' will attend. Of course, in the brain of a Gentlemen Who Enjoys the Theatre, this only equates to Kylie or Madonna. Cher used to be in the equation, but she is still engaged in her 20 year farewell tour, orbiting the Earth in a gas dirigible so she doesn't have to pay taxes. Anyway, this time word got out that it was Kylie and Madonna, so there were queues around the block to get in hoping that the two bionic divas would do a duet of 'Especially For You'. Only with typical G.A.Y. disappointment, you got Sally Sparrow, ahem sorry Sam Sparro, and The Feeling. The only highlight was apparently the leather-skinned, owl-eyed, swivel-headed club owner Jeremy Joseph introducing his 12 year old partner. By which I don't mean a partner of 12 years.

I will be sad that G.A.Y. is closing for one reason and one reason only: it is a place for baptism. Forget your first dance to Madonna, your first kiss on a dancefloor - G.A.Y. was forever the place where you got your first blow job in a club conveniences. I remember thinking as I washed my hands and tipped the toilet attendant a decent amount so we wouldn't be disturbed, that if the sperm bank were paying for donations, the soon-to-be-removed toilet walls of the Astoria must be covered in liquid gold...


TheLurker said...

THIS from the man who I met in G-A-Y and knew ALL the dance moves to Geri's "Look at Me"?? ;)

Trunk Guy said...

For reasons not to go to Gay (I refuse to type it as they do) - welld one.

Excellent review.

Glad to see this dive removed from the planet.