Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, August 22, 2008

'Lee and Dexter Morgan are now friends'

As I'm sure you remembering me mentioning - or rather you can skip back about three posts because it's currently as busy as Christina Applegate's bra collection in here... (well, I've been very busy) - that I've taken to watching 'Brothers and Sisters'. And rather enjoy it.

You see, as far as I can tell, it's written by a love-sick 14-year-old girl with attention deficit disorder, typing scripts while bouncing on her bed and using the other hand to stuff Ritalin down her throat. The stories are whiz by in a blur of beautiful implausibility, with Sally Field just clinging on to the scenery long enough to steal it. Here's a typical story arc: "Oh no, dad's embezzled $14 million dollars!" / "Oh no, we're going to lose our beautiful house!" / "Oh well, lets go down to the spooky old field he seems to have bought just before he died..." / "Oh my, the field is worth $30 million dollars!" / "Oh yes, our beautiful house is safe!" I mean, that's not the plot of an Emmy award-winning drama, that's the plot of a 'Scooby-Doo' episode.

But it has its charms - and I'm mostly thinking of the episodes where Dave Annable is in his underwear. It also has Balthazar Getty in it - much like Sienna Miller as we speak. Honestly, the woman's had so much up her, they could use her minky as the next Bat-Cave. Anyway, I used to have a soft-spot for Balthy when he was in 'Alias', but in this he's gone the way of men of a certain age and gotten doughy to the extent that his thin little eyes are becoming just like Dianne Wiest's - and she has to navigate by sonar these days.

And because this is a 'forward thinking' show, we have the joy of a gay character. I'm loving TV at the minute, because we're going through the back end of the wendy equivalent of the blaxploitation age of the late Seventies, where more or less every show has a Gentleman Who Enjoys Disneyland A Little Too Much, but they tend to be well-written roles. However, I do wish that Kevin wouldn't keep doing the narrative equivalent of going 'Hel-lo, I'm gay!' every time he enters a scene. Now I'm all for gays being rammed down my throat (old habits...) but even I am not like that, and you know how gay I am. Someone once threw a ball at me and I screamed - that gay.

'Brothers and Sisters' appeals to me on many levels. I think mostly because I've the brain of a love-sick 14-year-old girl with attention deficit disorder so the limited plots - oh look! Ponies!

Ahem. Anyway. If you want diversity in a TV show, lets take a look at 'Dexter'. Which is frankly, my New Favourite Thing. I mean, is it wrong to identify with a sociopath? It's troubling enough that I put myself as a 14-year-old girl... perhaps its because I say things like "I'd kill for pigtails like hers..." and actually mean it.

I have, however, two problems with 'Dexter'.

Number One: Michael C Hall is all one colour.
Whether it's the fault of the otherwise excellent cinematographer, or whether someone is actually that shade, but from the tips of his russet hair to the ochre toes on his feet, it's just one orange smear on your screen. Here, see what I mean.

I mean, it's not a bad smear, its just disconcerting at times. Like someone taking a swatch colour from Cheryl Cole's skin and saying "We'll do the whole place out this colour!" Meanwhile...

Number Two: Jaimie Murray.
You have to wait for season two to roll around for this one, but Brit actress Jaimie turns up with her 'plummy' turned up to 11; an accent that causes even my London sensibilities to renounce black cabs and PG Tipps. Good lord, she grates. I would say she gets on my tits, but that's the other reason she was brought to my attention: she throws her uncovered funbags at the camera with all the enthusiasm of a dog at broth. Now, clearly I'm not adverse to a bit of female nudity - nice to check out the competition, as it where - but you can't move in the second series for her norgs poking around the corner of every scene. They're out on show so often, one can only assume she breathes through them.


I was also going to review 'Bonekickers' at my friend Gertie's behest, but it made my eyes ache. Really. I had no idea what I was watching; go check out his reviews here. Oh come on, it's Friday - it's not like you're doing any proper work, is it?


Lady Muck said...

How can you be so bloody witty at 8:18am in the morning?

"It also has Balthazar Getty in it - much like Sienna Miller as we speak. Honestly, the woman's had so much up her, they could use her minky as the next Bat-Cave"

Jesus man, that may seem preposterous, but I think it could happen... Dank.

Yuk, I need a shower...

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I'm laughing a little too much at the image of Dianne Wiest echo-locating around the place.

I think I need to watch Parenthood again...

Frank said...

Diane Wiest is an American treasure, and I'll not have her besmirched by anyone, even a delightfully cheeky Limey such as you, Lee!