Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Utter Genius

I have to say that, as much as I hate kowtowing to Apple, that peddler of smug tupperware, I am loving their Genius function in the new iTunes at the minute.

Well, when I say 'new', you can't actually log on these days before them offering you an update, so I can't tell you which one it is - I assume its Version 8-point-Last-Tuesday. Basically, this edition gives you the option to create playlists based around a song. Oh yes, I'll just let you assimilate that... you can create a whole playlist around a song. Or more correctly, a whole playlist around Girls Aloud's 'Sexy? No No No...'! Claps like a lesbina at a Be-Good Tanya concert. Do I spy Baccara, followed by The RAH Band? Why yes, yes I do! How utterly marvelous! This is the best invention since anal sex!

What? Well some people like it. In my experience, anal sex is very much like spinach: if you were forced it as a kid, you'll hate it now.

Anyway, iTunes! Clearly, it wouldn't be me unless I'd tried to break it, would it. So I started throwing all manner of nonsense in its direction to see whether I can befuddle its tiny computer brain. But nooooo, even when I handed it some obscure Ukranian Eurovision hit from a bygone age, it delivered. Actually, it not only delivered, it gave me 25 other things from my iTunes I'd barely even heard of with a typically smug 'ta-da!'. Honestly, it turned my playlist into something found buzzing out of a radio in the backroom of an illegal Turkish taxi rank at 3am. You know, the music you hear as you look up through the smoky haze to see three other mustachioed men with cracked fingernails languidly undoing their belt buckles.

Well, you know me. Anything to get out of paying full fare.

So. This wonder-program has also been recommending me things to buy too, and I was halfway to the iTunes Store before I realised that a) I'd stumbled into their commercial trap and b) I'd only clicked through because I'd thought the guy in the thumbnail was fit. What? I'm a man, I have needs! And its not my fault that I didn't get the memo: I mean, when did the lead singer of Kings of Leon get to hot anyway? He's all beard and mumbling and flinty eyes. And those charming sticky-out ears I'm now referring to as 'love-handles', if you get my drift. He looks like the type who gets confused by too many colours, numbers and shapes, so he'd be perfect for a game of my patent Gay Strip Poker. Which is just like ordinary strip poker, only because its gay, the queens are wild and the straights don't count.

Have a good weekend, everybody.

4 comments:

Kathleen Bradean said...

Oh all right. I forgive you for being happy.

Papercuts said...

Hello; stumbled across your blog by following a whole series of links; glad I got here. Anyone who can have 'foaming at the gash' in their sidebar is a blogger worth reading!

robert said...

Honey - if you ever make it to San Francisco (?plus? ?whatever?) you're more than welcome to stay at our house. As always you continue to entertain beyond belief.

Also love the Genius function too - finding all sorts of music that got buried or forgotten.

R.
(another man that can't catch :-) ... but nothing wrong with that ...

Lee said...

Welcome, newcomers! Pull up a poof!

And I would gladly come and see old San Fran Robert. I'm reading Tales of the City for the first time and getting wistful for the place.