Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Danger! Danger, Mrs Robinson!

Thanks to all of you who emailed in the story about Nicola from Girls Aloud - The Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With (Maybe When They Fix The Smile) - reportedly being turned away from a table because Louise Rednapp said she wouldn't share.

The Daily Mail writes:

'"Nicola was in a bit of a state, and got to the club quite late," an onlooker told the newspaper. "She assumed she would be whisked straight onto her own VIP table, but when she was told all of the tables were booked she looked confused."

Of course she looked confused! On the way over with the cab, she'd emailed the matre d' herself using her internal modem! She'd also checked her lottery numbers (and calculated the probability that a) she'd win, and b) be free of Cheryl Cole's restraining programming before she can accidentally off her and cry "I have killed the one who created me!" in a semi-convincing manner) and also composed a few bars of the Aloud's next hit on her built-in moog synth. The Mail went on to write:

"When it was clear that Louise would not share her table, Nicola had to stay at the bar with her friends."

I don't know why this Louise Rednapp didn't share her table. I mean, who is she again? I think she was in Eternal back when I was slyly drinking Cherry Coke in my bedroom, making up dance routines to Donna Summer's 'This Time I Know Its For Real' with my ALF soft toy. Oh, and apparently she's in the new Nintendo Wii advert with her husband - some footballer who's kinda hot (thanks Google). So the highlight of her year is she turned away our beloved Nicola from her table, did an advert, and was Jamie Rednapp's cock-wash. For shame, Lou! Where's your Christmas spirit?

Perhaps she didn't want Nicola leeching all the bandwidth near her. Or maybe there was a chance that miserable old Lou thought Nicola was going to malfunction and, arms flailing, start smashing the tables with the flat of her palm going "Does! Not! Compute!" in that computerised monotone in wot she sings so well. Either way, I'm going to form an awareness group - equality for all so-pale-she's-semi-transparent ginger PopBots. The line must be drawn here!

In magnetic tape, naturally. It's the only thing she understands.

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