Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, December 15, 2008

FlorenceWatch: Day 1

I'm looking after this cat for a week, while dear old Gertie is on holiday. Do check out his blog if you get a second and like cats - you can't move for updates of grainy cameraphone shots of the dismissive beast and on how it (shock!) opens cat flaps now. I'm taking it for a week while he's up in Scotland with his folks, pretending he doesn't smoke and, even funnier, isn't gay. I know, isn't that hilarious? It's like they don't have eyes in their head or something.

Anyway. Cat. "I've left a t-shirt of mine in the basket," sobbed Gertie as I ushered him out the door yesterday, repeating that everything will be fine. "It'll help calm her down." Strangely, the basket is the one place she hasn't been in the last 24 hours. I forgot how damn inquisitive cats are - and we've had to practically child-lock everything, and spent a good few hours following her around as she explored such areas as The Draining Board Full Of Glasses, The Christmas Tree, and My Laptop And Its Multitude Of Seemingly Tasty Cables. I think giving cats nine lives just makes them far too reckless. They should just have the one and stop looking like they're constantly about to take a whizz on the electrical sockets if you ask me.

It took all of three hours for Gertie to text to make sure she was fine, which showed more restraint than I thought it would. "He's asking how she is," I said to Ryan, who was currently helping her off a bookcase. "What should I write?"

"Say she's dead," he said.

It was very tempting.

Though clearly she's thinking the same thing. I've a few houseplants about the place, including a lovely orchid that I'm looking after for a former housemate. She'd nommed a full leaf before a) we'd realised and b) she was retching and mewling in horror before shooting off under the table like it was Our Fault. Cue a frantic ten minutes googling whether orchids are poisonous to animals and wondering if Gertie would ever forgive us before she trots back out from under the table and starts doping up on her catnip mouse like nothing had happened.

Bloody thing.

6 comments:

Lippy said...

I can't actually believe no random village shop owner has ever said "Oooh I read his book! Aren't you lucky to have a gay son, they are so good to their mothers!" But apparently not.

Maus! said...

LOL... you just have to understand cats. They can be annoying but once you get one, you get most of them.
Give her some toys and she won't even know you exist

Lee said...

> Give her some toys and she won't even know you exist

I had a boyfriend like that once.

CyberPete said...

Well you can't compete with Legos.

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

Bless you for the reference to Skip's Acorn Treasury. In my sickbed yesterday I read it way back into 2007 and guffawed so much I almost lost an IV.

Adventuresome life Skip leads... His thrush entry had me rolling around in hysterics...

(It is apropos that the word verification I am being asked for by Google is 'cesses'?)

Lee said...

He's a brilliant blogger, yes. And we've known each other for years. He is actually that hapless too, the dear, dear thing.