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Friday, February 13, 2009

Splishy-Splashy

Well now! Sploshing, darling reader, is when you use 'copious amounts of substances are applied to clothes or skin for sexual gratification'. I know this for two reasons. The first is because a delicious writer friend of mine was employed to do a script for a saucy TV show where sploshing featured heavily, and was duly dispatched off to a local prostitute to get some research notes, where I would presume that point number one on the details list was which Sarah Lee gâteaux is the easiest to get out the tufted shag. The second reason is that a friend-of-a-friend of mine is into it (although secretly I think it's my friend and he's just shy about it) and tells tales of 'his friend' boiling up huge vats of custard and laying down enough plastic sheeting to dispose of the bodies of the whole of the Pussycat Dolls, before rolling around in something that looks like a Nickelodeon awards ceremony, or Jessica Simpson's kitchen these days. What lengths to go to in order to get your jollies, dear thing! Isn't that a lot of effort? I mean, all I do to prepare for an encounter is sluice myself out and make sure their name is written on the back of my hand in biro in case I have to yell it out at one point.

Completely by accident, I came about a new Gentleman's Recreational Film that involves sploshing. Well, I didn't know when I got it that this was included - I just saw swarthy men with beards and cold, dead eyes and instantly clicked the 'oh yes, I'll have me some of that' button. I didn't half put me off my stroke when the sploshing turned up, as it comes out of nowhere. The scene is thus: some lucky fellow is being dealt with by three people and is basically air-tight when the one at the front removed himself and then starts covering everyone in the Jane Asher's party cakes that were lined up at the back of the room. Then - THEN - he slaps a handful of cake in the one in the middle that was formerly a penis pinata. I found this funny for two points: one, all the gays watching will be going 'Oh. My. God. CARBS! This IS a fantasy!' and two, they really don't show him swallowing.

Seriously, they cut away!

Which is wonderful as they don't cut away from him swallowing the other stuff. I mean, really - he guzzles that like he's trying to make the back of his throat look ten years younger than the rest of him, bless.

7 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oh gods! Is this what Take That were doing in their Do What You Like video?

Never Stop The Europop said...

Inexplicable DeVice: Yes.

Jay Lygon said...

I adore you.

tyt said...

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秋葉原 メイド
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つくば ペット火葬
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立食パーティー用プレート
でしこ
soul source production
ベトナム シーフード
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性感マッサージ 名古屋
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出会い
I wish you always happy and success in your life.
Thanks for sharing!
Best regards!

Spike said...

Ye gads. I rooted a splosher and never realised. The bugger kept going on about filling the bath with custard.

Léonie said...

I was once asked to remove all my clothes, lie on the kitchen floor and be covered in baked beans. I declined, feeling that it was 57 varieties of strange.

CyberPete said...

I first heard about it on Graham Norton.

There is an English sploshing association apparently. I find that quite amusing. To each their own I suppose.