Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Danders Raised

Now, I was going to talk about an awful play I was dragged to go see, but something on the BBC news site caught my eye this morning instead. Here it claims that therapists are offering 'treatment' for being a filthy bum stabber or, for the ladies, an urge to eat sushi off the barber's floor.

Now, look. You don't want me to get up on my high horse, do you? For one, my joints aren't up to it in this weather, and once up there, you have a 50/50 chance of seeing up my skirt. But really, this sort of thing gets me riled. My dander is up. If there is a push for a 'cure' to reclassify homosexuality as a mental condition, then we could be losing serious ground in our push for equality. Besides, the 'effects of the child's environment' debate is rubbish: I can remember at a too-early age tipping up my push-and-ride cart on its side so I could use it as a washing machine, and not some gauche car - and you can't tell me that isn't genetic. Strange, yes. But still, it's the nail in the nature/nurture coffin for me.

And because I don't think this is fair. Whatever percentage that is apparently crying out to be strapped down to a wife, two kids, a mortgage and the unnatural urge for Sky Sports, we should be allowed to treat an equal percentage of apparently heterosexual men and women in return. Just to balance the numbers, you understand (and I'm picking Ryan Reynolds first on the casting- ah, therapy couch, just to make sure it works you understand). And you can forget all this fancy, expensive therapy too - most cases I have been involved in, I seem to recall heterosexuality can be 'cured' by two bottles of wine and missing the last train home.

Yet what troubles me the most is not that therapists are claiming that they are treating it, but that people are going to them in the first place.

What I'm trying to say is that I want everyone to be happy. I understand people being uncomfortable in their bodies, that sex changes are a good thing if it brings out the Real You. That everyone has a right to fit into whatever niche they carve into this glorious world. But when that niche comes from peer pressure, that's when it troubles me. I would love to learn what percentage of people admitting to this therapy are influenced by the church, because I have a horrid feeling it will be nigh on all of them. I wish I could remove the apparent stigma by waving my magic wand (and you know I want one) because being gay is one of the most wonderful things ever. And not just for the exterior things; sure the disposable income is great, the ease in decorating, and the free pass to practically run the media is a joy. But the interior things too, which enables you to love someone you have a heck of a lot more in common with than the opposite sex from the off. It is a brilliant, brilliant thing.

So I'm throwing down a gauntlet. Anyone who is even considering going into this therapy: drop me a line. While I can't condone your choice, at least get the other side of the argument for a balanced point of view. Then make your decision.


Perry Neeham said...

You sort of touched on one of the other wonderful things about being a trouser pilot but it's worthwhile ramming it home [innuendo is compulsory here I take it?].

The first time you jump too low in the leapfrog - if you have any brains at all - you realise how crap religion is.

Snooze said...

Ah Lee. You haven't lost your touch at all. I haven't been by in a bit but I see that you are still witty, brilliant and you skewer society's hypocrites perfectly.